


Moments of Happiness

by peppermintcake



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:14:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24455008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppermintcake/pseuds/peppermintcake
Summary: Breaking Henrik’s heart during the live finale of Love Island to be with the man you love was hard, but life afterwards isn’t a picnic either as the press and public make sure that you don’t forget that you hurt people along to way. Will you let them and the guilt you’re feeling run your life or just try to enjoy your time with the librarian who owns your heart?
Relationships: Noah/Main Character (Love Island)
Kudos: 31





	1. Reality Is Knocking

„Enjoying the view?“

A small smile playing on your lips and hearing him chuckle, you open your left eye slightly and look at him. Noah is laying on his side, his head propped on his hand and his eyes fixed on you as the morning sun beams through the gap in the blinds, perfectly illuminating his face and his bare chest. His smile seems to grow a little wider with each millimeter you open your eye a little more.

“I do.”

Making a small happy sound with your throat, that is somewhere between a chuckle and a snort, you close it again, Noah’s smile dancing in front of your closed eyelids.

Instinctively, like it had always been this way, you roll over, snuggling into Noah, who immediately wraps his arm around you and tenderly brushes a strand of hair out of your face. His finger lingers a moment on the side of your neck before he shyly takes his hand away.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Mhmmm…” Trying to suppress a yawn, and failing, you snuggle deeper into the mattress. “You?”

“The night could have been a little longer.”

Your body tenses at the words and the tone of his voice which is laced with a hint of uncertainty and fatigue, the latter seemingly not only because of the short night but mainly because of the exhausting events in the Villa in the prior weeks. Like getting hit by a truck, you get thrown out of your doze and the illusion you had allowed yourself yesterday when falling into bed with Noah lying next to you after the Love Island Finale, that everything would be plain sailing from here on out with Noah, as his tone makes you question things all over again. _Does he even want to be here? With me? Does he regret the decision he made yesterday?_

Noah rolls on his back and you hold your breath, your closed eyes stinging as you feel tears shooting up. _This is my answer, isn’t it?_ You don’t dare to move, trying to force your emotions down as your front feels cold despite the morning sun shining on you, until you feel Noah gently pulling you toward him so that you can nestle to his chest. He moves his arm around you, his hands softly caressing your arm in a random pattern – the gentle gesture and Noah’s warmth letting you relax again and forget about your previous insecure thoughts instantly as the electrifying touch makes you feel safe. Smiling while slowly drawing incoherent lines on his toned chest, you just listen to his heartbeat, beating slowly but steady underneath you, making you lose yourself in its rhythm.

“This is nice.” Noah’s breath softly rustles your hair as he almost whispers the words in a soft voice.

“It is,” you breath out, equally quiet, as if trying not to disrupt the peace and destroy the moment again after he leaned in to give you a little peck on the head. You stay like this for a while, just enjoying the moment until you turn your head to gently place a kiss on his chest.

After a quick tour to the bathroom and feeling more confident, craving to feel his lips pressed and working against yours and to intensify the electricity you feel running through you every time you’re near him, you slowly move to straddle his lying form, lowering your torso. For a moment you simply lose yourself in his chocolate brown eyes that shine back at you with warmth and a hint of longing, the soothing touch of his hand placed on your outer thigh grounding you and sending electric waves over your body.

The look in his eyes is laced with a nervousness as your eyes flicker from his mouth back to his eyes and you slowly lean forward. The air around you seems electric and your breathing goes shallow as you will yourself to stop right before your lips brush against his.

Beneath your right hand, you can feel his heart beating faster while his intense eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips. Your temporary mischievous smile falters as his eyes slowly draw you in and you feel your own heartbeat speeding up with every time Noah’s now unsteady breath grazes your face, stocking the desire to feel his soft lips against yours and to taste him. The anticipation has you nearly on edge, the buildup overwhelming you.

His hand on your thigh squeezes you softly and you lose all your willpower. The unbearable tension resolving as you crash your lips against his, momentarily worried about having broken Noah’s nose at the pure rapidness of the action – the thought swallowed as every one of your senses is consumed by Noah and your thoughts are being wiped out by every movement of your lips and every stroke of your tongues against the other.

The heated nature of the kiss is being slowly turned into a sweeter, yet still passionate kiss as Noah gently places one hand on your waist while the other caresses your neck, the additional touch sending shivers down your spine. You lightly stroke his cheek with one hand and follow the contours down to his jaw, smiling softly in the kiss as you feel him shuddering slightly under your touch and pulling you gently down, trying to be as close to you as possible, making you flinch for a moment when Noah passes a ticklish spot as his hand runs up your side. But you hold on to the kiss, as if to express how much you want to be here with him and as if to make up for every missed moment in the Villa.

As your lungs burn and desperately scream for air, you still let your lips linger against his, trying to savor the feeling of him. Slowly drawing away you take a deep breath, your eyes locked and saying more than either of you could in the moment. Never losing eye contact, you slowly run your thumb over his soft and now swollen lips that set you on fire whenever they touch you.

After a moment, you slightly tilt his head back and lean in again, your lips brushing his collarbone as you begin to place delicate kisses on his skin, working your way up to his neck. His breath against your cheek becomes shallower again with every touch and a quiet moan escapes his lips as you find a sensitive spot, urging you to slightly suck on it. He tightens the grip on your waist again while you feel his thighs beginning to shudder slightly, making you increase the intensity with a smile on your lips, pleased with yourself.

The moment is abruptly ended by a loud and insistent knock on the door that leads you to reluctantly pull away after a few moments to answer the door, a knot forming in your stomach.

The overjoyed mood of the morning is replaced by a tension that captures your whole body and seems to swallow the whole room as you slowly walk back to Noah. Wordlessly, you hand him his phone that you just received by one of the producers of the show who also reminded you again of the upcoming gathering with the other Finalists.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, with your back to Noah, you stare at your phone as a thousand thoughts cross your mind. Most of them are already familiar to you, having questioned yourself and this possible outcome for a while now, but it was always just this – a possible outcome with a possible consequence. And something for the future you to really concern herself with. But as soon as you took ahold of your phone, the world seemed to abruptly loose its colors.

The movement of the mattress temporarily gets you out of your thoughts as you feel Noah changing his position to sit next to you, though with a respectable space between you. For a while, the two of you continue to sit in silence, simply staring at your phones.

“I’ve never been this afraid of my phone.” Your voice is barely above a whisper as your throat feels tight.

“Yeah,” Noah answers, his voice slightly shaking.

After a short silence and unsure how to voice everything that is going on in your head, you settle for the obvious statement. “Reality is really going to crash down on us, isn’t it?”

“It already is.”

You nod slightly, in a state between the fantasy world you have been in in the last couple of weeks and the one of the last few hours and reality, between panic and relief and between fear and happiness.

Your adventure in the Villa had started promising, but for the past couple of weeks you had looked forward to leaving the place. The atmosphere and living with sometimes vastly different people, some of them more difficult for you to get along with, has been weighting on you. And trying to play the peacemaker, sometimes more voluntarily than other times, to keep it somewhat livable has been exhausting. On top of that you also had tried to first fight your feelings for Noah, then tried to move on, but struggled all the way and ultimately failed. Keeping a lot and especially regarding Noah to yourself, working through your emotions without being able to talk to anybody, after Priya left, about it because of fear of hate, judgement and of it coming out before you, as well as Noah, were certain and ready for it, was troubling.

And while you are glad that those times are behind you and you are excited to reunite with your friends, being out of the Villa also means being confronted with the consequences of your actions. Additionally, despite Noah having spent the night in your hotel room and you knowing that when he says something, he means it, there is an underlying uncertainty whirling in you, if being with you is truly what he wants.

You glance over at Noah, who is captured in his own thoughts, take a deep breath and slowly place your hand on his which are still holding his phone. His eyes snap to yours and he closes his eyes for a second, clearly trying to regain his composure after being startled. 

“I…” You take another deep breath, your mind racing. “What does this mean for us?”

Noah fully turns to toward you, his eyes searching yours intently. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I know that I want to be with you. I want to see how things could develop between us. It’s just going to be difficult for us, because we’re probably going to face a lot of backlash. I don’t want that to influence us giving this between us a proper chance, if you want that that is.”

He sets his phone aside and gently takes yours away, setting it next to his, before taking your hands in his, his thumb softly gliding over the back of your hand. “I want to be with you too. We’re going to make it work, okay?”

You nod slowly, holding his intense gaze before being pulled into Noah’s arms and reveling in his warmth for what feels like an eternity and not long enough.

As the two of you finally sit at the table in your room and enjoy your breakfast, your attention again is solely focused on the man sitting in front of you, who is laughing at your slight obsession with croissants. Your heart skips a beat at the sound and sight, his eyes glimmering in amusement as cute little wrinkles form near his nose and in the corner of his eyes.

“I guess, I’ll always have to have fresh croissants for you every time you come over to my place.”

“Better don’t start spoiling me like that or I’ll never leave.”

Noah winks at you. “Maybe that’s my intention.”

“Mhm… Then you probably would have to change your mind on eating croissants in bed.”

“And here I thought you were perfect for me.”

You grin widely. “Oh, the horror of having different preferences for places to eat your croissants.”

Noah chuckles and looks at you happily, a comfortable silence stretching between you. As you turn your gaze back to your mochaccino, your thoughts begin to swirl back to your phones now sitting on the nightstand. Contrary to your feeling an hour ago, you feel more positive and a sense of excitement overtakes you.

“Have you decided who you are going to call first after turning your phone back on?”

He sets down the fork and knife on his plate, his brows furrowed before speaking. “Probably my sister, Alva. I need to check if she’s doing okay and she will also know how the rest of my family is and will remember to tell them that I called.”

“Mhm… I thought you would call Jonah first, but I guess he would be the one who would forget to mention your call?”

“My brother probably would, yes. Sometimes he is a little out of it.” You raise an eyebrow, urging him for a further elaboration. “A few months ago, he was on a short vacation with two friends and forgot his backpack, containing everything he needed for the trip, in a café. He noticed it _hours_ later. Luckily the café owner kept it for him, but still…”

Noah looks at you, his smile growing a little as he sees you attentively listening to him, smiling to yourself.

“I assume there are more similar stories?”

“Oh, there are.”

You nod, still smiling as you realize that weirdly you don’t know a lot about his sibling although it was always clear that they are very important to him, probably a result of not being able to have conversation with him in the Villa without being interrupted after a couple seconds, or if lucky after a few minutes, and of Noah not liking to share too much about himself in group settings.

“I’m looking forward to hearing more about them. And well, I can definitely see why you would want to call your sister.”

He gives you a small smile, the simple action making your heart flutter. “Who are you going to call?”

“My best friend. I need to catch up with her and to hear what her daughter has been up to.”

“Gwen and Lillia, right?”

You nod, smiling widely, happy that he remembered their names. “Yeah. She has probably grown since I last saw her. I can’t wait to see them again in person in the next few days.”

“I’m also looking forward to that part of being out of the Villa. And being alone.” He looks up at you, panic in his eyes. “I mean, I…”

Smiling, you reach over to him and place your hand on his free one. “I know what you mean. A little quiet and alone is definitely needed after this. And it also means finally being able to really do some thinking without being interrupted by someone screaming in the background or somebody wanting to chat with you.”

Noah nods, the relieve over your words obvious in his posture. “The only time you could ever do that in there for more than five minutes was when everybody was asleep.”

“… or when luck was on your side.”

You grab a spoon to chuck into your fruit salad while he finishes eating his omelet before he does the same.

“I guess, we’ll have to do a lot of talking on the phone with each other in the next few days.”

“And video chatting.”

He nods, looking pensively at you and you give him a reassuring smile. “We should plan our first date. Then we have something to look forward to.”

“Are you saying you don’t look forward to hearing my voice or seeing me on your phone screen, Noah?” Your tone is teasing, and you grin at him, an eyebrow raised. “Besides I think you mean our first _real_ date.” Noah’s face lights up even more and he chuckles slightly. “What’s your usual go-to?”

“Normally, we’d have a nice dinner and then see a movie.”

“Really? You dared to take girls to the movies with you after the whole ‘Rusty Blade-VII’-incident?” You both chuckle. “Aren’t you worried that I would comment something crazy as well?” You narrow your eyes playfully, raising one eyebrow.

He hesitates for a second, searching your face. You blush slightly under his gaze. A little smile forms on his full lips. “A little.”

You let out a short laugh, while your eyes twinkle. “Oh, I’m definitely going to now…,” you say playfully and his smile widens. “I like dinner and movie dates – they are a classic for a reason. Though, maybe, I’ll add a little twist to this one…”

“What twist?”

“Well, you’ll have to wait and see.”

“Intriguing...”

You smile at each other, the excitement about your first real date all too clear in your faces. The date in the Villa was, although it showed you that there was definitely a spark between you, a little awkward. Hope had been in the back of your minds and having a camera crew in plain sight made it impossible to really enjoy the moment and each other’s company.

But now, there was nothing holding you back anymore and the future, as much as you dreaded it an hour ago, seems brighter again.


	2. Not About You

“See you on the other side.”

You smile nervously at Noah and lean in for a quick last kiss before slipping through the door into the hotel corridor.

With each step you take, the happy memories of the past few hours vanish a little and anxiousness begins to spread through you. _They are going to hate me_. Tears begin to pool in your eye because of the nervousness of being confronted with everything and the possible reaction of Chelsea and Gary. _Are we going to remain friends?_

The thought of possibly losing friendships with people from the Villa, people that you’ve spend so much time with and grown close to makes your stomach drop. You swallow hard and try to steady your breathing. _Be strong_. _You have to be strong._ You take a deep breath and carry on, muttering the words to yourself like a mantra.

Coming face to face with Henrik and Hope after the events from last night is going to be tough. The tension is probably going to even higher than at the night when Hope and Noah argued all over the Villa and everybody searched for a hiding spot. It’s going to be rough, full of snarky remarks, eyes burning through you. _Possibly hell_.

You shake yourself and jump slightly on the spot for a few seconds, before shaking out your arms and slowly rolling your head in an attempt to shake the nervous energy that consumes you out of your system. After one last deep breath, you start to walk again, determined this time and round the corner.

You let out a breath of relief as you only see Chelsea, Lucas and Gary standing in the meeting room. Although you don’t want to be confronted with everything and you don’t think that you will need media training, seeing as you don’t want to be in the limelight, the opportunity to speak to a therapist hired by the show executives makes you feel a little better. From experience you know, that talking to somebody impartial about everything will be good for you.

You walk over to the group with a shy smile on your lips, not sure if and what the others know about you and Noah and how they reacted or will react. “Hi.”

“Oh my days, there you are!” Chelsea greets you enthusiastically, throwing her arms around you. “I was worried about you. I didn’t see you at the afterparty yesterday.”

Her blue eyes look worried at you. _If she would know, she would have asked me about it already, right?_ “Yeah, I went to bed early, I was _exhausted_.”

“I get it, hun.” She makes a movement with her hand, underlining her sentiment. “I almost overslept this morning. If Lucas hadn’t woken me up, I’d still be sleeping. And those mattresses are so soft. Although the room décor could use a little work, maybe a few cushions…”

You smile at her, trying to follow her fast-paced speaking. “So, you guys had a nice evening?”

“It was amazing. They had Gin…” You look over to Lucas and Gary, who simply mumble something under their breath, looking down as the blonde goes on. “… and…” Chelsea pauses for a second, searching your eye. You can see the excitement sparkling in them. “Oh. My. Days.” _Is this it? Does she know?_ You brace yourself. “You don’t know yet, do you? I mean, you said you went to bed early, so… although maybe you’ve heard…”

You exhale, a little relieved, that it’s probably not the topic of you and Noah. “What is it, Chels?”

“Blake and Rocco made out yesterday!”

You just stand there for a second, processing her words and then burst out laughing. Chelsea beams at you, while the guys look at each other, Gary with a little grin on his face.

“That is certainly an interesting match. It made my day, thanks Chels.” Chelsea smiles at you, clearly happy with your reaction. Before you can say anything else, Lottie walks over.

“Hey.” She turns to Gary and smirks. “See, I’m on time _and_ I’m even here before Hope and Noah.” You immediately tense up again and start fidgeting your hands.

“Where are they anyway? I thought for sure those two would be the most punctual out of all of us.”, Lucas remarks.

“Like us, they probably put having their own room to good use yesterday.” You flinch a little. “I did not see them at the afterparty, after MC took the money.” With those words, Lottie’s smirk turns sour as she glares at you. Silence spreads across the group and you look to your side, staring at a plant in the corner of the room.

“So… Rocco and Blake, huh? What exactly was happening between those two?”

Your admittedly poor attempt at changing the subjects gets interrupted by the angry voice of Henrik. As you look to the door, you can see him and Noah having a short discussion. They aren’t loud enough to understand them, but from their body language, you can tell that they are both tense.

Henrik glares angrily at Noah and then at you before storming into the room, going over to a table set up at the other end of the room that holds beverages and finger food. He grumbles quietly, his brows are furrowed, and he avoids any possible eye contact with any of you. You try to ignore Lottie’s glare and look at Noah, worried about how he is taking it.

Noah slowly walks over to the group with slumped shoulders and a bowed head. You feel the urge to wrap him in a warm hug and comfort him, his words about being afraid to hurt and disappoint somebody playing in your head. He positions himself across from you in the little circle of fellow Islanders, greets them shortly and raises his eyes to meet yours for a second. You can see a hint of sadness in his eyes, but there is also determination and a silent question. You shake your head almost imperceptible to signal him that the others don’t seem to know about the events.

“Where’s Hope? Didn’t she come down with you?”

You can see Noah tense up even more, but before he can react, a few people of the production team come into the room to begin the meeting.

As one person explains the schedule for the day, the door opens. You shudder as Hope appears in the threshold. Your anxiousness immediately skyrockets, and you begin fidgeting your now sweaty hands again. Her arrival makes you tense up immediately.

Although you want to look away you somehow can’t and after her eyes find Noah, they find you. She is staring you down, her eyes filled with anger. Her intense glare makes you shiver slightly and lights up your own anger at her. It seems like your eyes are locked for an eternity in an intense battle until you decide to look away.

You take a deep breath and close your eyes for a moment. _There’s no need to start an argument right now_ , you think. _Breath. Just breathe_.

After two hours of occasional angry looks from Henrik at you and continuous glares from Hope, snarky comments and sharp, sardonic laughter from her, she and Henrik are set to meet therapists, a procedure all Islanders have to go through after leaving the Villa.

You feel yourself relax a little with every step they take towards the door. “You okay, babe?” _Why, Lottie? Why?_ You know that you have to live with the consequences of your actions, but you’re not ready for a big confrontation with Hope or Henrik.

Hope turns around sharply, making you flinch slightly. “Why don’t you ask MC? She is the one daring to ruin _my_ happiness!” Hope bristles with anger and slams the door.

The sound of the door rings in your ears as a mix of emotions consumes you. Relieved that Hope didn’t search for a confrontation with you, but still tense because of what’s about to come.

Still present members of the production look at each other for a second and leave the room hastily. Noah awkwardly looks at the ground, while the other Islanders stare at you. Chelsea and Gary seem confused, while Lucas gives you a sharp look and Lottie just glares at you.

“What did you do now?!”

_Calm down, Lottie_ , you think as the urge to tell her off increases with every second. In the Villa you almost always had let the others talk to you like this. But now, you’re on the outside. It doesn’t matter anymore if there is an argument, since you don’t have to live with them afterwards in an unpleasant atmosphere that would affect everybody else in the Villa as well.

“I asked you a question!”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, then you look at her, calm and expressionless “It seems like you want to say something to me, Lottie.” It takes everything in you to let your voice sound calm, firm and friendly. “Go on… You will feel better afterwards.”

She looks at you perplexed and then glances around the group. Gary shakes his head slightly, mumbling slightly and walks over to the set-up table to get a cup of tea. The only thing you can hear for a moment is the pouring of the tea as everyone is silent. You see Chelsea opening her mouth, but she closes it quickly before saying a word.

“I ended things with Hope.”

Your eyes dart to Noah, who is looking at the ground. _Well,_ that _will do the trick of ending the silence_ , you think, bracing yourself for their reaction.

“Oh. My. Days.”

Chelsea seems genuinely shocked, while Gary is standing there, frowning until his cup of tea overflows. He sets the tea pod aside, murmuring something and looks for something to clean the mess he just made. You feel Lucas’ eyes on you, checking your reaction and then he goes on to sharply look at you and Noah in turns, seemingly connecting the dots. Then, his facial expression clouds over. _They have most definitely shown a few interactions between Noah and I before Lucas came back into the Villa_.

Lottie’s angry glare is now directed at Noah. “Why would you do that?!”

_Wow, Lottie_. You look irritated at her for a moment and then look back at Noah who hangs his head, his sadness obvious in his body language. For a short moment you ask yourself if he is regretting everything. His interactions with you, the flirting, the night on the rooftop, ending things with Hope, saying that he loves you.

You move your shoulders a little to get rid of the build-up tension while closing your eyes for a second and thinking about the last few hours together and his tone of voice a few seconds ago. It was quiet and full of sadness, but firm. As you open your eyes again, Noah slowly lifts his eyed and your eyes meet.

Before you can decipher the look or react, Gary walks over to Noah and gives him a bear hug. “I’m sorry, mate.” Gary pats Noah on the back as he pulls away.

Lottie meets Gary with disbelief, shaking her head, her face in her typical beetroot shade. “He ended it with Hope! Not the other way around!”

“Lottie…” You grit your teeth and you voice has an angry undertone. _What kind of stupid statement was that?!_

“Leave it out, Lottie.” Gary gives her an annoyed look, seemingly shutting her up for a few seconds.

Silence is once again filling the room as everybody digests the information of the hyped-up couple ending things right after the leaving the Villa. You mostly concentrate on the ground, hoping that Lottie would calm down.

“So, what happened between the two of you?”

Lucas tears everyone out of their thoughts, pointing his fingers in turn at you and Noah. His eyes are narrowed, and his lips are sharply pressed together.

The other Islanders follow his fingers, trying to piece everything together, while your heart seems to race faster with every second that passes. Lottie’s face is getting redder and the crease between her brows gets deeper as she grimaces with anger. Chelsea looks like a confused puppy, while Gary furrows his brows pensively.

“Of course you had to do with it!” Lottie turns angrily towards you, emphasizing every word with her finger. “Trying to break up the best couple in the Villa! Again! Haven’t you learned from the first time, babe? They will _always_ find back together…” Her voice changes from anger to condescending and then she ends with a devilish grin on her face.

You swallow hard, feeling a knot forming in your stomach while you clench your fist. You have heard it so many times, yet it still hurts.

You’re instantly thrown back to the day of the lawn reunion between Hope and Noah, the day you, without a doubt, would describe as your worst day in the Villa. Seeing them together, shattering the little hope you had, realizing that the feelings you had developed for Noah were deeper than you knew before, the pain, almost everybody else ignoring your feelings, the loneliness, the many tears shed, being or feeling forced to pretend that everything is okay.

Your eyes begin to glisten at the memories, memories that you had buried deep inside and haven’t worked through yet. _It’s different this time, right?_ You close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing to calm yourself down.

“So what did you do this time? Did you try to kiss him again?!”

You slowly open your eyes again, looking Lottie directly in the eyes, almost daring her to rip every self-control from you.

“How dare you?! Hope was nothing but nice to you and you betray her like this?! Again?! I knew that Girl Code means nothing to you when you tried to kiss him the first time! Betraying a friend like that! And you know damn well that her and Noah are a great couple!”

You press your lips together as a wave of emotions crashes over you. Desperately you try to think of something else, something that would distract you from not laughing sharply at Lottie and her comments or exploding.

You can’t wait to see your friends again although admittedly you’re also a little worried about their reaction to everything. _I know they will support me, but still…_

As you tune back in, Lottie is still going. You glance at Noah who looks at the ground, anger written all over his face. You take a deep breath.

“Lottie…”

“And you!” She turns to Noah. “Why would you end your relationship with Hope?! For her?!” She points at you. “Really?! Do you really think _she_ is worth it?! Ha! She has no idea what loyalty means, babe! She’s only trying to break the two of you up! Don’t you see that all she wanted was screen time?! And for _that_ you let go of Hope?! Because of _her_?! That’s just pathetic! And to _think_ , I even saved you from that dumping so you could be with Hope! And that’s how you repay me?!”

“Hey! It’s not about you, Lottie!” You scream out, finally reaching your boiling point. _Who does she think she is?!_

“I did save him!”

“That doesn’t give you the right to decide what he can do with his life!”

“But…”

“There is no but! This has nothing to do with you, Lottie!” She scowls at you and you take a deep breath to compose yourself a little. “You stated in the Villa, that you were done being in the middle of things, done being in other people’s business, yet here you are.” She opens her mouth to say something, but you lift your hand. “You have no part in this. This is not about you. In any way. So, if you want to express disappointment or any other emotion, you can do that. But express it calmly and respectfully. That also means considering how other people feel. You don’t seem to have perceived that saying that he ended things with Hope was hard for Noah, that he feels sad.”

“But _he_ ended it with Hope.”

_Wow_. “Just because he did, doesn’t mean that it was easy for him. Things like this are always painful. And he just shared a piece of information with you, let himself be vulnerable by sharing that. And you went on to stomp on him and his feelings. I say it again: It’s not about you. It has nothing to do with you. This is about Noah… and about Hope. And it’s _not_ something for you to judge.”

Lottie’s face gets even redder as she takes in your words, trying to hide behind her hair.

You glace at Noah whose eyes look intensely and gratefully at you. He gives you a small smile which you return instantly as a small portion of tension and nervousness is falling off you.

“So… ehm…” Gary scratches his neck breaking the silence.

Noah clears his throat. “I… I have feelings for MC.”

Your eyes immediately dart to Noah. _Holy shit! Did he just say that?_ Your eyes and mouth are wide open as you look at him and your heart hammers quickly against your chest. You keep your eyes on him, trying to understand if he really said those words out loud in front of the remaining Islanders or if you’re imagining things.

As you observe Noah’s facial expression and the words sink in, your shock is soon replaced by joy and it seems like all the painful memories of the Villa fall away again, just like yesterday evening. With every second, your smile grows wider.

“And I have feelings for Noah.”

He smiles at your response and you two just stare at each other. In the background you can vaguely hear Chelsea repeating “Oh. My. Days. Oh my days.”, but it seems far away. You feel great finally having your feelings out in the open. You obviously had told Noah yesterday, and had made some confessions before in the Beach Hut and given a few hints to Chelsea since Casa Amor, but this feels like another important step.

You flinch as the door to the room loudly slams shut and look around. Chelsea and Gary seem to be more in shock than before and Lucas walks angrily up and down, staring at you and Noah, his neck red with anger. Then, he follows Lottie out of the room.

Gary clears his throat and scratches the side of his neck nervously. “When… ehm… when did this happen?”

“Oh ehm gee. Yes, I need details!” Chelsea beams at you. “How did this happen? Oh, is that why you said you would be together with Noah in an alternate Villa? Oh my god, I’m so sorry, hun. I didn’t know… Or… Or are we witnessing you guys confessing your feelings for each other for the first time? This is so romantic!”

You look at Noah, who also seems relieved that there are at least two people who are willing to let you explain what happened before shutting you down. “No, we already knew. And yes, that time I was giving you a little hint Chelsea, but… I really don’t know how to answer the other questions.”

You look at Noah for help. “It’s complicated to explain. It developed over time.”

You nod in agreement. Although you can pinpoint a few specific moments that were important, the development of your feelings is hard to explain. Plus, there is the small fact that you both were in partnered up with other people.

“Uh, like a secret romance?” Chelsea’s eyes sparkle.

“I wouldn’t call it that.”

You shake your head. “Me neither.”

Gary clears his throat again, still looking pensively. “I guess, I… I thought a few times that you might have a crush on...”

Before he can finish his thought, the door opens again, revealing Lottie and Lucas, both angrier than before. Their faces are red, their nostrils are flaring, and their eyes seem to want to tear you apart. You tense up. _Time to face the whole truth._

“You had sex in the Villa?! While you were coupled up with other people?! Are you fucking serious?!”


	3. Souvenir

„What are your plans for the next few days?”

You’re back in your hotel room after the long and intense day dealing with media training, therapists, seeing Hope and Henrik and telling the other finalists about you and Noah. _Well, telling them the short version_. Suffice to say, emotions were running high. But right now, right here, everything is calm and all the tension has left your body again.

“Mhm… meeting my friends, sleeping and _maybe_ , _if_ I have the time, talking to you,” you say with a little grin on your lips.

“ _If_ you have the time?”

“Well, I plan on sleeping a lot. There was always somebody trying to keep me awake in the Villa.” Noah furrows his brows, his eyes firmly trained on the plate of spaghetti in front of him. You squeeze your eyes shut while cursing yourself a little. _Shit, that’s not what I meant_. “There were just too many people snoring loudly.”

You smile at him, as you see his lips widening into a grin and his face lighting up. “I didn’t hear you complaining about my snoring after last night.”

“Well, I was absolutely exhausted. Not even your snoring could keep me up. Plus, it felt really nice sleeping next to you again.”

Noah smiles sweetly at you. “I thought so too.”

After a short silence he continues: “And I know what you mean. Sleeping next to Lottie that one night was difficult. Her snoring is really loud.” You give him a little smile during which you slightly press your lips together. You remember the mentioned night vividly and fight wanting to tell him that him having had trouble finding sleep could also have been caused by him wearing his clothes to bed.

The thought that Noah must have thought he had to be uncomfortable in order for Hope to be happy, and the irritation and anger over Hope and the other girls finding this a sweet gesture still haunts you. _But now is not the right time to bring that up_.

“I still can’t believe that you think your snoring is quieter than hers.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Well, it’s definitely loud – wouldn’t keep me from sleeping next to you though,” you say winking.

“Good.” He smiles at you. “It’s going to be weird not having someone lying in bed next to you.” You nod.

In the last couple weeks, you only had slept alone a handful of times and now that you’re all going to fly home tomorrow and are about to spend some time apart, it will be a big adjustment.

“Definitely. Though, everything will be a little weird. It’s already kind of strange today.” Noah looks at you attentively. “Being in a different environment, seeing and speaking to other people, not being in a bathing suit the whole day, speaking on the phone with somebody from home, being alone with you. It’s simply very different to what we had in the past few weeks.”

The air is still warm when you and Noah step outside to explore the hotel grounds. The summer breeze almost streams a strand of your hair into your strawberry ice cream. The soft light of the slowly setting sun illuminates the path along a small river you’re walking along. For a while, the only sounds are coming from your footsteps and the gentle flow of the river. Noah holds your hand and squeezes it gently. It almost feels like you’re the only people in this world.

You walk in silence until you hear a familiar melody coming from a hotel room, disrupting the illusion.

_It’s not in the way you came back to me_

_It’s not in the way that your love set me free_

_It’s not in the way you look or the things that you say that you’ll do_

_Hold the line, love isn’t always on time, oh oh oh_

_Hold the line, love isn’t always on time, oh oh oh_

Grinning at Noah, you start singing along, getting louder with every line, encouraged by Noah’s irritated look and the rapidly following soft laughter. Soon, you let go of Noah’s hand to accompany your singing with some ridiculous steps and goofy dance moves. It doesn’t take as long as you anticipated, until Noah joins you, smiling and singing shyly. As the song finishes, you both laugh and carry on with the way back to your room.

“Thank you,” Noah says, gently squeezing your hand.

“For what?”

“For making me have fun. I needed that after… everything.”

Exhaustion and sadness are written in eyes, but as you silently ask him if he wants to talk about it, he shakes his head, soon asking you the same question.

You give him small smile. “Right now, I just want to enjoy the moment.”

As he smiles back at you, you stop in your track and gently pull him towards you. The surprise in his eyes soon lifts as you close the gap between the two of you. He cups your cheek as you kiss him tenderly, tasting the butter pecan flavored ice cream he just ate on his lips. He leans his forehead against yours as you pull away and looks at you for a moment, before you continue your walk.

“How often do you sing?”

“It’s not a daily thing, don’t worry,” you say laughing. You have been told often enough that singing isn’t your strong suit, though it doesn’t stop you from belting out a song every now and then. And when you sing, you like to exaggerate to either make the other person laugh or to really get on their nerves. “ _You_ have a great singing voice though.” He looks at you bashfully and kisses your temples, then wraps his arm around your shoulder, and you snuggle into his embrace for the rest of the walk.

The closeness of your bodies begins to light a fire in you, his gentle touch burns your skin. Soon, the flashbacks about the evening on the roof terrace begin to play in front of your eyes. Yesterday, you both fell asleep as soon as your bodies hit the bed, too exhausted to do anything. But tonight, right now, there was nothing you wanted more than to explore his body and him touching yours.

After Noah closes the hotel room door behind you, you pull him down into a passionate kiss. His surprised reaction allows you to slip your tongue into his mouth. He reciprocates almost immediately and places one of his hands on your neck and one on the small of your back, gently pulling you even closer. One of your hands slowly wanders down his chest. As you slip it under his shirt exploring his abs, you can feel his body shivering. He groans and breaks the kiss, gasping for air. His eyes are filled with affection and desire, causing your breath to hitch and to lighten the fire in you even more. Your eyes lock for a moment before you bite your lip, guiding his eyes back to your lips.

He kisses you feverishly, this time surprising you and instantly, you feel the heat spreading in your core. You begin to slightly rub yourself against him, playing with the hem of Noah’s shirt. He only breaks the kiss to remove his shirt, then picks you up and gently lays you on the bed before him. He places his body over yours, devouring your lips in another breathtaking kiss, before moving over to kiss your neck, slowly making his way to your collarbone.

You moan as he finds a sensitive spot, tilting your head to the side to give him better access. One of your hands plays with his hair, while the other slowly glides down his torso before coming to a rest on his lower back. You gently push Noah away to take your top off. Soon, he finds your lips again and then slowly kisses his way down toward your breasts. Each kiss leaving a mark that you can still feel when his lips have moved on.

The heated beginning slowly turns into a slow and extensive exploration of your bodies. The tenderness and softness of his touches makes you melt underneath him, as every contact stokes the fire in you.

He looks up to you as he gently brushes along the hem of your white lace bra. You smile slightly and arch your back to give him access to remove it. “You’re stunning, MC,” says Noah as he takes in every inch of your torso. His fingers run along your body until he comes to a halt on your breasts. He gently kisses one of your breasts and slowly twirls his tongue around your nipple. Another moan escapes your mouth as he sucks it. Your hand finds his hair again. One of Noah’s slowly makes his way down to your shorts, his every touch creating goosebumps and setting your skin on fire at the same time. You gently pull Noah up and kiss him urgently. You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer, looking for friction.

Swiftly, you change the position, never breaking the deep kiss. You position yourself above Noah, slipping out of your shorts. You look into Noah’s eyes, while removing his pants and his underwear at the same time. Slowly, you leave little kisses on his legs, working your way upwards and stopping before you touch _him_. Still wearing your panties, you sit up, not giving him or you the friction you’re both craving.

Tantalizingly slowly, you run a finger along the contours of his abs. You lean in, giving Noah a tender kiss, then kissing your way over to his earlobe, running your tongue along the rim of his ear. Nibbling on his ear, you can hear his muffled groans as his mouth sucks on your collarbone. You inhale his scent as you take his earlobe between your lips, gently sucking on it. As you slightly pull away and blow on the spot, Noah shudders beneath you.

Slowly, you make your way down, leaving little kisses all over his sculpted torso. The closer you get to his neglected area, the more you feel his tights shuddering in anticipation. You look up to Noah, who holds your hair to the side and watches your every move, and gently kiss your way around his sensitive area.

As he lets out a little frustrated groan, you smirk up at him. You place a gently kiss on the tip of his erection, before letting your tongue run along the underside of it. Noah groans loudly. _God, I love that sound._ His head falls back into the pillows and he groans your name as you slowly work your way up and down his length with your mouth. With every movement you take more of him into your mouth, slowly building up the pace to revel in the feeling of pleasuring him for as long as possible. Suddenly, he pulls you up, capturing your lips hungrily.

He rolls you over in one swift motion, leaving him hovering above you. While he kisses his way downwards, one of his hands gently strokes your thighs, slowly making its way inwards. He drags his lips around breasts until kissing and sucking your hardened nibble. Meanwhile his hand cups your sensitive area over your wet panties, making you moan loudly and your back arched. As you open your eyes again, you see his eyes still locked on yours, observing your every move as he drives you crazy.

His tongue slowly finds his way down, while he pulls off your panties. Never breaking the skin contact, he kisses your inner thighs, making you open your legs more as he gets closer to the desired area. As his mouth finally finds your sensitive area, Noah’s touch makes you shiver as the enflamed fire in you, spreads across your body and seems to heat up by the second. One of your hands finds its way to his hair, while you loudly pant his name. You squirm underneath him, as he gently flicks and sucks on your nub. _Holy shit!_ He places one of his arms over your hip to hold you down, while he inserts a finger in your wetness, curling it slightly to find your spot. You can feel the heat spreading over your body and your walls starting to contract. You gently pull on his hair. “Noah, I need you. Now.” You see a little smile on his lips before his eyes widen in horror.

“Dammit, I think I don’t have a condom.” He looks desperately around the room.

You look surprised at him for a moment. _Did he not think he would end up with someone?_ You dismiss the thought rapidly since your body craves him and desperately wants to be touched. “There’s one in my suitcase.”

He immediately stands up, walking over to your suitcase. “May I?”

“Sure. You can’t miss it.” He opens the lid of your suitcase, looking irritated back at you. You simply give him a little smile, your hand slowly travelling down your body. “Are you coming back?” He grabs a condom, puts it on and walks back over to you. His eyes travel over your body and land back on your eyes as he crawls on top of you.

Noah kisses you tenderly, before pulling away and looking in your eyes. You smile at him, nodding almost imperceptible. Your eyes flutter shut as you feel his length slowly stretching you, while Noah kisses your jaw. He waits a moment for you to adjust to him and begins to slowly move as you rock your hips against him. You gently pull him down for a passionate kiss, moaning into his mouth has the desire keeps building, each thrust going deeper and bringing you closer to the edge.

Wanting to feel all of him buried inside you, you place your legs around his waist, supporting his movement as your hands caress his back and the lower part of his neck. He groans loudly as you pull him closer to you, the lust and desire in his eyes almost overwhelming you.

You close your eyes, concentrating on the feeling of his bare skin and his scent as his length and the friction between your bodies lets your breath catch in your throat. The world goes blank as waves of pleasure roll over you. Your nails dig into Noah’s shoulder blades, while your walls contract and squeeze his erection. Noah nuzzles into your neck and grunts as he follows you over the edge. He sinks on your body, trying to shift his weight a little to the side, as you gently run your fingers up and down his back and play with his hair to calm him down.

Slowly, he rolls off you, leaving you feeling empty as you lay next to Noah. You try to catch your breath as you try to comprehend the situation.

The past forty-eight hours seemingly changed your relationship with Noah and your life dramatically. Everything since your arrival up until now had been a stomach-turning and butterflies-fluttering-in-stomach, heart-racing, and heart-stopping rollercoaster that dragged you along in top speed, sometimes upside down, with a few unexpected loops, containing a handful of the highest highs and a lot of low points and let you feel like you’re floating. It had been a crazy journey that you couldn’t even have imagined in your wildest nightmares or most beautiful dreams.

Not much had went how you would have hoped, but you feel richer in experience and after everything that happened, you also feel like you know yourself better – know better what you want, what you need, what you hate and what you like. The mistakes you made seem to lead you to a better future-you, who learns from them. No matter what would happen with Noah and if your friendships with some of the Islanders were going to survive after everything and on the outside, you at least feel stronger now than ever before.

Going into the experience, you only hoped to have fun in the Villa getting to know interesting people and maybe, if you were lucky enough, get to know somebody that you would like. _And now I’m leaving this experience with somebody I see a future with_.

A smile creeps on your face and you roll to your side, looking at Noah, who turns around as well. You smile at each other, before his hand caresses your cheek and his lips find yours in a lingering kiss. You place your hand on his, stroking his hand with your thumb and stay like this for a while, just letting your eyes communicate your feelings.

He sighs. “May I ask why you have so many condoms in your suitcase?”

You chuckle. “You never know when you need one and… Is there a better souvenir from the Villa than condoms?” He grins at you, tugging a strand of hair behind your ear.

He turns on his back, gently pulling you on his chest. “I have to admit, it is a good souvenir. But do you need that many?”

“Not all of them are for me. My friends are going to love the little present I brought them back. _And_ I thought it was easier to empty a whole bowl of condoms than to count how many I really need. Plus, like I said, you never know, when you need one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics belong to the song "Hold The Line" by Toto.


	4. Back Home

_Love Island and its cheating scandal_

_Fellow Islander Blake accusing MC of using Noah for publicity_

_Everything over between the Islanders Hannah and Bobby?_

_“She ruined my life” – Love Island Hope spills the beans on MC_

Your hands tremble slightly as you adjust the gym bag over your shoulder, waiting for the buzzer to let you in. The only sounds are a few birds chirping in nearby trees and your heart hammering fast and loudly against your ribcage. The peaceful ambience of the seemingly empty street, the little bit of nature and the slowly setting sun still warming your back a little this late afternoon calming you down.

It has been a few days since leaving the Villa and this was your first visit in Romford. The first look into his real life. The first time seeing him again in person since you’re back in the UK. Your stomach and your head are all over the place as excitement and nervousness spread through you as he rings you in, the later ever so present since your little detour to change your clothes on your way over to Noah.

Ever since you were back in your apartment, you could see several paparazzi standing around the building, waiting for you to leave it, maybe getting a glimpse and a good story about you. Judging by the headlines and the continuing questions about you and Noah in interviews that other Islanders give, it seems like the whole situation between the two of you is still a very interesting topic for the media and the country. There was rarely a moment when you could go outside without being at least noticed by people on the street, oftentimes met with judging looks.

Since nobody has seen you and Noah together since leaving the Villa, a lot of speculations are being made and it seems like everybody is waiting for a statement of the both of you. Or maybe you were just paranoid. Although you didn’t really care for the public opinion, you also don’t want to give people something to talk about. Things with Noah were still very fresh, you hadn’t even seen each other since being back, this was definitely not the time to be seen in Romford or with Noah. You want to be in a little bubble and just enjoy your time with him without being judged by everybody or better said, being judged even more.

So, in order to not seem like you were going somewhere that could be interesting for others, you wore sportswear and hid your necessities for the next few days in a gym bag, pretending to go to your gym to work out when you left your apartment building to drive to Romford. Although changing your clothes in your car in a secluded spot was not ideal, you managed and now… now, you were here.

Every step bringing you closer evokes even more excitement and nervousness, the two feelings firmly intertwined and making your heart race more than the StairMaster in the gym would have.

As you round the corner you see him. A smile takes over his face and his eyes sparkle back at you as he sees you, making your heart skip a beat. You pick up your pace, practically sprinting up the last set of stairs and running into his arms. He lets out a low chuckle, squeezing you tight as your head rests on his chest and you breath in his warm scent. You smile, feeling fully at peace for the first time in a few days.

You pull back just enough to stand up on your tiptoes, meeting him halfway and brush your lips against his, feeling him smiling.

“Well, are you going to invite me in?”

He chuckles, takes your bag from you and gently pulls you into his apartment, closing the door behind you.

“Welcome to my home.” He whirls you in, giving you another soft kiss. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You plant a lingering kiss on his plump lips, enjoying the feeling of warmth and electricity running through you at the contact.

The previous nervousness has been replaced by a new one that makes you feel tingly in a good way as the feeling of worry changes to nervousness about being alone with Noah and to take a step forward in your relationship seeing as you’re at his place for the first time.

You pull away reluctantly. “Okay, unless you define your lips as your home, you owe me a tour.” You softly run your thumb over Noah’s bottom lip. “I can explore _you_ later.”

You can feel his grip on you intensifying slightly at your last words and his eyes narrow for a second, before he intertwines your fingers and leads you to the living room.

You look around the room with a smile on your face. It is a little bigger than you expected and light-flooded thanks to two big windows. In front of one of them stands a dark wooden table with a couple of chairs around it. On the left wall hangs a black and white photograph, showing a rustic beach walk and the ocean. Beneath it, a record player is placed on a long console, which also holds a little plant and a few figurines. Closer on the right side of the room, a dark blue colored couch is placed in front of a small wooden coffee table. A slim lamp is standing beside the couch. The right wall is covered from bottom to top and from left to right with bookshelves that hold the TV, an extensive vinyl collection and an even more impressive collection of books.

You wander along his bookshelves, scanning the titles of the books with a little smile on your lips. “It’s almost exactly like I pictured it.”

“Really?”

You turn around to him. “Yeah.” You shrug your shoulders. “It’s very you. I like it.” You smile and see Noah smiling back at you, looking slightly relieved.

You walk over to him. “What were you worried about?”

Noah sighs, wrapping you in his arms again. You tilt your head up, looking at him. “It was just a little nerve wrecking.” He has his brows furrowed and looks in the direction of the window.

“Because you’re letting me into your sanctuary?”

His face softens and a small smile appears on his lips. “I wouldn’t have called it that, but yes. It’s a personal space and you being here makes things… real.”

You freeze for a second as uncertainty washes over you. _Doesn’t he want to be with me? Is he regretting things? Is he feeling uncomfortable? Am I pushing him to do something he isn’t ready for? Pushing him to be with me? I don’t want to be like…_

You hesitate, your mouth is dry as you decide to speak up. “Noah, I didn’t mean to push you to do something you don’t want to. I don’t want to make you unhappy by being here. I…”

Noah looks startled at you for a moment, then pulls you closer. “No, I’m happy you’re here.” You let out a relieved breath, slowly relaxing in his arms, as he runs one hand over your back. “I just meant that it is the first time that we are here together, at home. And in my home. I think, things are just still sinking in.”

You pull away a little, looking up at him, searching his eyes that look gently and lovingly back at you. “I know. It’s weird… I’m also still getting used to this.” You pull him down for a gentle kiss. “And being able to do this.” You kiss him again. You smile up at him and as he lowers his head again, you lean back with a smirk. “Care to show me the rest of your sanctuary?”

Slightly shaking his head with a playful smile on his lips, he takes your hand for the rest of the short tour, letting you take in the surroundings. Every table, every plant showing you a little more of Noah and his life, making you feel a little closer to him every room.

He finishes the tour in the kitchen and laughs as he hears your stomach growling. “Message received loud and clear.” You playfully shove his shoulder, smiling up at him. “Let’s make dinner then.”

Noah slowly walks to his fridge and begins taking out ingredients while you’re standing around a little lost but waiting patiently. “So, what can your sous chef do?”

You can see Noah hesitating for a second, before noticing your encouraging smile and then pulls out a cutting board, a knife and hands you a few vegetables.

“Can you start by preparing the bell peppers? I’ll start cooking the beef.”

“Yes, _chef_ ,” you say in a firm voice, grinning at him.

Eagerly, the two of you start working side by side in the small kitchen. The kitchen soon smells delicious and the temperature in the room seems to rise by the minute. You talk about your days while cooking and Noah tells you how good he feels being back to working in the library. He had started working again two days ago, having terribly missed the smell of old books and the quietness of the library. Sadly, it is occasionally interrupted by people asking him for a photo, which seems to make him uncomfortable. Yet, in comparison to your return into normal life, his seems to go easier and smoother, with him not getting asked many questions or having to hear many comments about his actions in the Villa.

The warmth of the cooker and the short glances you both steal, as well as little, sometimes more and sometimes less accidental, touches in the small kitchen leave you with rosy tinted cheeks as you recount how you got out of your and on your way to his apartment.

“Really, changing in your car is surprisingly complicated. I had to drive a little to find a secluded spot and even then… _Maybe_ I was a little paranoid… Afraid that somebody might jump from behind a bush to take a photo of me in my underwear that might land in the national newspapers tomorrow and can be uploaded on the internet in a matter of seconds… So… I _might_ have been trying to change extra quickly and because of that I _might_ have accidently honked, and I _might_ also have jumped in my car because of the unexpected noise and bumped my head against the roof of the car.”

You lift your arm to feel your head. “Thankfully, no permanent damaged seems to have occurred.”

Noah laughs, coming over to you and embracing you from behind. You lean into him, smiling at his beautiful laugh. “This story would have made some interesting headlines.”

“Oh, I’m sure it would have been something along the lines of: _Money-grabbing MC now living in a car_ or _MC desperately trying to get attention by honking while in seductive lingerie_.”

You can feel Noah smiling slightly against the side of your head, before he gives you a quick peck on your temple and goes back to supervising the stuffing. “You know, you didn’t have to change.”

“I know, but I wanted to. Like you said before, it’s the first time that we’re in room together since we’re back and also the first time I’m in your apartment – you can’t fault a girl for wanting to look good.”

“You always look beautiful.” You smile at his comment, glancing at him. He looks at you, warmth in his eyes before tasting the stuffing. He furrows his brows, as he concentrates on the flavor. “Mhm… it’s good, but something is missing…”

You take the two steps in his direction. “Let me taste,” you say softly, gently pulling him down to your lips. You hear to spoon being placed on the counter, before Noah’s hands firmly draw you in closer. The heat of the oven mixes with the heat of the passionate kiss that sends a shiver down your spine. You feel Noah’s hand slowly creeping in your hair and try to suppress a moan as you feel yourself sink more into the intensity of the kiss. While slightly moving to press yourself closer to Noah, you feel the frying pan handle on your hip and immediately pull away from the kiss, afraid of knocking the pan and the food over.

After making sure of the position of the pan on the cooker, you stop yourself for a moment, remembering why you came over here in the first place and close your eyes for a moment. You can feel Noah’s hungry eyes on you and smile slightly while trying to concentrate. “I think it’s missing a little bit of basil.”

After dinner, the two of you sit comfortably on the couch with wine glasses in your hands. Noah studies you as you brush a strand of hair back.

“Is that Flagstones Stretching For Eternity?”

You take a quick look at your nails before nodding. “It is.”

He smiles sweetly at you. “It looks good on you…”

“Thanks. Glad you like it… I figured I’d try out the color on me.”

You reach out to Noah, slowly caressing his face for a moment, quietly thanking him again for the sweet gesture of giving you this souvenir of the Villa _. Definitely a better souvenir than the one I picked up myself_.

“By the way, I did some research on them.”

“Nail polish?” Noah nods. “What did you find out?”

“I haven’t really found out yet, why they have weird names, but it seems that almost all nail polishes have interesting names. Although there are some that are weirder than others and some companies actually name their nail polish with numbers or a combination of numbers on letters.”

You nod pensively. “Mhm… makes sense.” Noah looks at you quizzically and you smile slightly. “Well, I’ve done some thinking as well about them.” You can see Noah’s face lighting up and he looks at you expectantly. “Actually, I’m a little… well… really ashamed that I couldn’t think clear in the Villa, but… let’s start with a simple question: Do you remember any specific nail polish names?”

“Funny Monkey Business, No Bread Like Rye Bread, Frogtastic, I licked it so it’s mine, Grasshopper Chase…”

“Wow, okay… I’m not entirely sure what color the ‘I licked it so it’s mine’ is in…”

“A red tone…”

“Ah, the color of a tongue possibly… Okay… See? Now there are already two reasons made for giving those names. First, you remember them better. You haven’t mentioned a single nail polish with numbers in the name. And second, even if they have weird names, you can kind of guess, what color they might be in.”

Noah nods pensively. “That could also be done with more ‘normal’ names though…”

“Yes, but… Names can be a fun way to distinguish oneself from the competition and I suspect that there are also some people who simply buy a nail polish because they like the name. So… from a marketing perspective, it makes sense to give nail polish weird names to increase sales and be more memorable and maybe also unique to the client. And it also fits great into the beauty industry because nail polish is one of those things that is supposed to be fun, that makes you feel great and happy.”

There is a moment of silence while Noah looks into the distance before he nods pensively. “That does make sense.”

“I know.” You smile at him. “I guess, you’re going to research more marketing techniques now?”

Noah chuckles. “I guess I should. But that was actually really helpful.”

“Good. I’m glad that my mind is fully functional again. That could have been resolved way earlier…”

Noah smiles warmly at you and pulls you closer to him. After finding a comfortable position in his arms and with one leg propped over his, you carry on with your conversation.

“Does the picture on the wall have any emotional value?”

Noah nods. “My mom took it one summer. Every few years we would vacation in Tynemouth, it’s a small village up north. We would always stay in the same house and since we my parents worked a lot, going on vacation and all of us spending time together was rare and great.” You can see Noah’s eyes sparkle has he tells you a few stories of the family vacations. “We haven’t been there in a while. It’s difficult to get everybody to have time, especially with Jonah’s swimming competitions.” He sighs and looks longingly at the photograph hanging behind you and you follow his gaze.

“I think it’s great that you have such a connection to a certain location. We traveled quite a bit, never visiting the same town twice. That way we saw more, but… there was never the possibility to form a special connection to one place.” You turn back to him and ask him about his favorite place in Tynemouth.

As you recount a similar experience to the told ‘racing after a pushchair at the beach due to strong wind’ one, you can see Noah’s eyes flickering down to your lips. Slowing down at the end of your story, you feel your heart picking up speed with every second as the intensity of Noah’s gaze lets you shudder in anticipation.

The pent-up tension of the last few days and today seem to catch up with you while you slowly move your torso forward to meet Noah’s lips in a tender kiss during which you both gently caress the other’s neck. Meanwhile, Noah runs his free hand slowly over the exposed skin of your leg with a feather-light touch.

You feel lightheaded and drunk on happiness as his lips, which taste like the fruity and slightly sour wine you just consumed, delicately brush against yours.

Smiling you pull away to gaze into his warm eyes which sparkle happily back at you. The current feeling washes every bit of anger, bitterness and exhaustion of the last few days over the headlines and the received comments away and you feel excitement rising in you of what today and the next days will bring.

Still studying his beautiful eyes, you close the gap between you once again. Changing your position so that you’re even closer to him, you wrap both arms around his neck and lift your second leg over his legs as well.

You feel him smiling against your lips and pulling you closer by wrapping an arm around your waist. His breath hitches for a moment as you slowly let your index finger run behind his ear and down his neck while you intensify the kiss.

Breathlessly, he pulls away and with one mischievous smile, he places his hands underneath you, picking you up seemingly effortlessly and carries you over to his bedroom, his eyes never leaving yours while you cling to Noah with a wide smile on your lips.


	5. Grasshoppers and First Dates

_Love Island Lottie about MC: “She’s someone that will stab you in the back as soon as she gets the chance”_

_A new romance on the horizon? Elisa and Hannah getting closer in a club_

_The timeline of the scandal_

_Love Island Marisol is thinking about switching to studying psychology_

“Are you reading to the kids in the library again on Sunday?”

You sit across from Noah at his dinner table, enjoying the meal the two of you prepared together. In the last couple of weeks you have established a routine and whenever you would be at his place early enough after work, you would cook together. At times, like today, he already has cooked, and you are only able to help him set the table.

Sometimes you’re amazed by how easily you got used to being with Noah. The familiarity with each other increases every day and you feel like you have been together for a long time by now, although it only has been a couple of weeks. There still is a lot to uncover – the new insights and spending time together making your day.

Noah offers you small smile. “Yes, though I’m not sure which book I’m going to choose this time.”

You nod absentminded for a moment, before answering him. “I’m no help when it comes to that – my knowledge of children’s books is very limited.”

He smiles softly at you. “That’s alright. I’ll figure it out.” You give him a half-hearted smile leading Noah to furrowing his brows and looking to the side. “I’m sorry that we can’t spend all of our Sunday together, maybe I could...”

A small exhilarated exhaled breath escapes you, as a smile forms on your lips and you slightly shake your head. “No, Noah. You love reading to them – I would never ask or expect you to not do that.” His face softly lights up. “I just… I wondered if you would like to escape this apartment with me this weekend. We would be back Sunday morning…”

“Oh.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I really like your apartment, but I need a change of scenery… before I go mad.”

The last couple of weeks you have almost spend every free minute at his place as being together at yours isn’t really an option as there still sometimes are paparazzi lurking on the streets, hoping to finally take a picture of you and Noah together.

He hesitates and furrows his brows as he speaks. His voice shows that he is a little unsure. “I would love to…”

“But?” The insecurity creeps up on you again. Something that has resulted from the turbulences in the Villa, the rocky start with Noah there and the constant talk in the media. You try to blend it out and simply concentrate on how Noah treats you ever since leaving the Villa, but sometimes, you just can’t help yourself.

Noah nervously chews on his bottom lip. “But we said that we would stay under the radar for now.”

To your dismay, the media and the public are still very much invested in the life of the Islanders after the show has ended, which means a lot of rumors floating around, being photographed and on constant display, and a lot of interviews given by fellow Islanders, all of them being asked about _the_ _scandal_. Neither Noah nor you are interested in the circus and the attention and frankly, although there was a lot of tumult surrounding you, it was nice to just be alone with Noah.

“And we will.” He looks at you confused and a little skeptical. “It took me some time, but I figured it out… When my grandma passed away a few months ago, I inherited her house. I haven’t sold it yet, because I wanted to enjoy one last summer there… and then, well… the show happened.”

Noah nods along. “I remember you telling me stories about spending your summers there.”

You smile sadly at him. “Yeah, I have a lot of memories when it comes to that house.” You sigh. “Anyway… it’s in a very small village and there are no direct neighbors. People would only see us together if they look into the car, when we’re driving there. I _think_ we’ll be fine – especially considering that we really aren’t celebrities or anything.”

“Well, with the number of pictures taken of you that I find everywhere in the newspapers and online, you could have fooled me.”

You give him a tired laugh and roll your eyes. “Don’t remind me. So…?”

Noah sighs, but then smiles softly at you and slowly places your hand in his over the table. “It does sound good.”

You study Noah’s facial expression for a moment for any signs of hesitation, resistance or uncertainty but don’t find any. “Good. Thanks for trusting me.” You squeeze his hand for a moment and smile at him as the excitement over spending time someplace else and maybe finally having something like a first date washes over you.

Late on Friday afternoon and after about two hours of driving, you slowly roll through a very small village. A couple of cottages stand scattered in the spacious and hilly green landscape. You can see Noah smiling upon the sight as you look over and see the descending sun fall on him, enhancing his features perfectly. _How did I get this lucky?_

Catching your glance, he smiles sweetly at you, stopping to tap his finger on his leg in rhythm with the music for a second. A smile stretches over your face as you turn your attention back on the road. The slight airstream blows through your hair and you can smell the plants and the nearby lake.

The sky is dipped in an orange-pinkish shade after a surprisingly warm day when you turn into a long dirty road and come to a stop in front of a small, old cottage that is partly covered in ivy. The wildflowers in front of the building look like they need a little water, but it doesn’t take away from the picturesque view.

Still sitting in the car, you look over at Noah, who smiles as he admires the building. “Do you like it?”

“It’s seems really charming.”

You smile and step out of the car, prompting Noah to follow your lead. “It is. Although it’s really old-fashioned and outdated. My grandma has lived here for… a long time. She never changed anything after my grandpa died.” You sigh. “But as you see…” You open your arms, gesturing to the surroundings and grinning at Noah. “… there is nobody else around.”

Noah smiles at you. “True.”

You walk over to the door. “Come on. Let’s see if everything still works before unloading.”

After opening a few windows in the house to let new air in, you show Noah around the house. The interior still looks like it did a few months ago, like it always has been as far as you know. It’s charming and inviting, reminding you of past times.

You smile sadly to yourself, as the memories of family dinners, laughter, mischief, fun and sadness and grief flow before your eyes.

As you wander through the few rooms, your gaze wanders to the numerous paintings on the wall which mostly portray the nature, all of them painted by your grandmother. Noah’s eyes seem to linger a little longer on one that shows the starry night sky before you move on.

The sky turns to a darker blue, before you finally get your stuff out of the car and start to settle in and prepare for the evening. While Noah waters the flowers in front of the house, you begin to set up a little area on the side of the building.

Hurrying to get everything done before Noah has finished his task, you begin to carry a big and relatively comfortable bench with cushioning and a small table over to the area and put a giant blanket and a few pillows on it. As per Chelsea’s advice you cover a few branches of the tree next to the set-up with fairy lights and prepare two jars with glowsticks, making them glow in a soft blue light. After setting up the projector and the loudspeaker, you’re getting the food presentable as Noah walks into the kitchen.

Each of you taking some food and the wine including two glasses, you make your way over to the area.

“Wow.” That’s all Noah says as you walk around the corner.

After setting down the food, you turn to him, a little self-conscious. “Do you like it?”

Noah smiles softly, taking the set-up in before pulling you into his warm embrace. You close your eyes, enjoying the feeling of his body pressed against yours and his scent while squeezing him for a moment.

“I love it.” His mouth brushes your ear as he whispers in it, making you inhale sharply and your heart beating fast for a second before relief washes over you. _Thank god he likes it_. As you pull away, he looks deeply into your eyes, happiness and vulnerability visible in them. “Nobody has ever done something like this for me.”

You take a deep breath, troubled by the statement and intertwine your fingers with his. “You deserve it.” You smile sweetly at him, before gently pulling him towards the bench . “I hope it’s a good spin on the dinner-and-movie date we talked about weeks ago.”

Noah sits down beside you, while you pour some wine in your glasses. “Is this what you had planned?”

“Oh, no. I had a few different things in mind. I know some unusual places to watch movies and I also thought about taking you to an outdoor theatre production I usually go to every year.”

“I’m already afraid to ask, but I have to know what unusual places for movies you mean.”

You chuckle. “Well, did you know that there is a company that organizes movie screenings during which you sit in hot tubs? It’s like a little pool party. I don’t think it’s for you, but… And there are also some great outdoor cinemas in parcs, on rooftops and at the River Thames. But I’ll keep my favorite place for watching movies a secret for now, so that it’ll be a surprise if we’ll ever go there. I’m pretty sure that you’ll like the place.”

“Can’t wait… Although I’m not sure if it could top this.” He gestures at the set-up.

You smile happily at him and give him a tender kiss, before sliding closer to him. “I hope the bench isn’t too uncomfortable for you.”

“It’s fine. We could move to the ground though if it’s too uncomfortable for you.”

You laugh shortly. “You know, I carried the bench over here so that you don’t feel like you can get attacked easily by grasshoppers.”

He chuckles. “Okay... you got a point… I’m a little surprised that you remember that.”

“Really?” You look at Noah in surprise, leaning back a little to get a better look at him. “That was among the first things I learned about you…” _And who could forget such a random fact about somebody that captured one’s interest since the first eye contact was made but more or less rejected one?_

Noah laughs. “I mean, it _is_ an important information about me…” You chuckle. “I think the first thing I learned about you was that you are very perceptive.”

You smile at him. “Really? Because the first thing I learned about you was your name.” Noah rolls his eyes and in response you stick your tongue out playfully. “Okay, other than that it was more the quiet type and probably a little shy. But I guess that was pretty easy to detect.”

After talking about the glowing jars and Chelsea and grabbing something to eat, you settle down in a comfortable position on the bench.

“What are we watching?”

Your eyes light up and Noah surveys you curiously. “Oh, you’re going to like it.” The smirk and confidence disappear a second later, making room for uncertainty. “I hope.”

Turning on the projector, you turn your gaze to Noah, who looks at the slowly appearing image on the wall of the cottage. Since your hands are occupied holding the plate, you nibble nervously on your lower lip. Trying not to blink, you observe his expression as your stomach turns in anticipation, hoping that it has the desired effect.

In the corner of your eye, you can see the image getting brighter and clearer and a split second later, Noah’s face lights up for a moment. Shortly after, he breaks out into a loud laughter that booms over the neglected garden and is probably transported further over the small village by the slight late summer wind.

A wide grin spreads across your face while you mentally give yourself a clap on the back and observe Noah’s facial features while he laughs.

“So… do you like it?”

Still slightly chuckling, he turns to you. “You really want to watch _this_? Now?”

You shrug, still grinning. “Why not? Now is as good a time as any.”

Noah shakes his head, smiling. “You’re really something else.”

“I hope that’s good.”

It only takes a second before Noah’s hand finds its way to the back of your neck and he gently pulls you to his lips. “It’s better than good,” he murmurs before placing his lips on yours in a short but heated kiss, that makes your heart feel like it’s bursting with happiness.

Your eyes still closed, you rest your forehead on his, letting your breaths mingle. “I just wanted too make this memorable for you. Hopefully, positively memorable.”

Noah pulls away, his thumb still softly caressing your cheek. “It would have already been memorable – but watching Squiddles together is definitely the cherry on top.” He leans in for a tender kiss. “How many episodes are we going to watch?”

“As many as you’d like, though I also brought some movies.”

After watching one episode of Squiddles and a horror movie that Noah selected, you sit on the bench, cuddled together underneath the blanket. _Thank you Chelsea for reminding me to get enough lights. Maybe not my smartest idea to watch a horror movie in a backyard of a house that has no neighbors who could hear us screaming should anything happen_.

A few moments of silence pass until Noah slightly turns his head towards you. “Do you think your grandma would have liked me?”

You try your best not to tense at the question. _She would have been furious with us at the beginning_. “I believe so, yes. I mean, you are kind, responsible, smart, you have an inquisitive mind. You’re _totally_ into me _and_ , not to forget, you make me happy.” You slowly run your finger along his jawline.

”Totally into you?” He grins at you.

“Oh yeah… But I also mean the rest. And since she isn’t here anymore, I’m glad that you’re here with me. This place holds a lot of memories with me. And besides telling you stories about my family and showing you photos, this is the closest you can be to them.”

Your soft smile is reciprocated by Noah. “I’m glad that you shared this place with me. And thanks for tonight.”

There’s a moment of silence stretching between the two of you as you look at each other, unwilling to end the evening but also not ready to take it further at the moment. “How about we move to the ground and look at the stars? I wonder if here, they really are like your grandma painted them…”

“Wow, we would have thought that watching a horror movie would make you braver… Isn’t this the part where somebody would yell ‘Don’t do it!’, ‘Don’t face your worst fear head-on!’? Yet, here you are… Ready to throw yourself to the ground and look your fear of grasshoppers right in the eye.”

Noah shakes his head slightly, chuckling again, as he stands up slowly. The sounds of wind flowing through the trees and plants and the singing of crickets fade into the background, only leaving the sound of his beautiful laugh.


	6. Babysitting and Exhaustion

_Love Island Chelsea and Lucas confirm that they are only friends_

_Love Island Rocco seen kissing yet another mystery girl_

_Lottie talks all things Love Island and Girl Code on her new Youtube Channel_

_Do I have everything? Did I clean the mess I made in my wardrobe? Maybe I should open the windows once more to let fresh air in? Does my hair look okay?_

_Take a deep breath, MC. There’s no need to be so nervous. Is there?_

You shake your head, take a deep breath and try to relax your shoulders. The restless pacing through your apartment is replaced by a slightly less nervous, slower pace as you try to shut your mind down. _No sense in freaking out_.

Although you and Noah have been together for a few weeks now, he hasn’t been at your place yet. With your work schedule, the feeling of having less eyes on you when you are in Romford than you would have when you are in London and you loving his cozy apartment, you had rarely spend a night in yours since being back and with each time, it felt less like your home and more like a cold shell that holds your possessions.

The ringing of your phone startles you and transports you back into reality.

_I’m almost there._

You walk over to the window in your kitchen to look out at the street, observing the cars and people passing the building for a moment, feeling a little like a stalker.

_Coast seems clear. Can't wait to see you._

With a slightly nervous smile, you run into the kitchen to check up on the lasagna in the oven. _Looks good so far. Now… did I…_ You walk over to the kitchen counter on the other side of the room. _Okay… yes, that’s the right wine_.

_Ding Dong_.

You almost drop the bottle as you almost jump when the doorbell rings and the sound travels through your apartment. Smoothing out your midi skirt and running a hand through your hair, you walk over to your door and ring Noah up.

A few moments later, he rounds the corner at the staircase, a smile playing on his lips as he sees you. You can feel your face lighting up and your heart picking up pace at the sight. Noah gives you a short and tender kiss before entering your apartment and setting down his bag. Right after, he loops his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and leans down to give you another kiss, making you sigh contently. “Hi. It smells good.”

You smile up at him. “The lasagna needs another 15 minutes, but in the meantime, I can show you the apartment.”

After gently pushing against his chest with your hand, you entangle your fingers with his. “Sounds good.”

The next morning, you and Noah stand in front of your best friend’s apartment. You gently squeeze his hand to reassure him as he nervously begins to run his thumb along his bottom lip. Before you can say anything, Gwen opens the door with a big and curious smile on her lips.

“You’re here!” She flings herself at you, embracing you with almost as much force as she did when you came back after the Villa and hadn’t seen her for a while. She does the same thing soon after with Noah, who stumbled back a step in surprise, but then glances at you, smiling over the warm welcome. “I’m so happy to finally meet you. Come in, come in.”

_Wow, that is a new level of excitement_. You grin when you step into her apartment and tease her, trying to keep yourself from laughing. “Jesus, Gwen. Get a grip.”

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just…” As you manage to clear your throat, Gwen finally looks at you again and shakes herself a little to lose the nervous energy consuming her body. “I’m excited to finally meet you, Noah. And it’s a little weird considering having not only heard a lot about you from MC, but also having seen you on TV. It’s a little… surreal…?”

Noah smiles at her. “I’m also excited to meet you. MC has told me a lot about you.”

“Only good things I hope.” You raise one eyebrow and press you lips together as you see Noah struggling just for a second, but enough for Gwen to notice. “Oh god, what did she tell you?” She turns to you, slightly panicked. “What have you told him?”

You try your best to not burst out laughing at Gwen’s expression. “Nothing bad. Just… I _might_ have told him about that night when you drunkenly started that dance competition in the Tube. Or the time you argued with the older gentlemen in the supermarket about different types of potatoes and their flavors that needed to be stopped by…”

“Okay, okay.” She turned to Noah. “So, you know all of my embarrassing stories?”

“Oh, he doesn’t know all of them… yet.” You wink at her.

She laughs and links her arms through Noah’s, walking him toward the living room. He happily complied with a grin on his lips. “You know, I know a lot, and I mean _a lot_ of embarrassing stories about MC…” She turns back to you, while walking and gives you a sly smile. “… and I can’t wait to tell you _all_ those stories. Has she told you about…”

Fortunately for you, Gwen’s daughter Lillia gleefully runs towards you, as she spies you entering the room. “Auntie MC!” You pick her up and spin her around for a second to greet her. As you stop, holding her securely in your arms, you notice Noah’s eyes, which are trained on the two of you, shining brightly. The sole sight of his look is warming you, the heat creeping in on your face resulting in a small blush that you try to hide by looking at Lillia.

“Before I forget – thanks for coming over and agreeing to babysit Lil. I know it wasn’t your plan…”

You wave your hand dismissively. “You know I can’t say no to spending a day with my goddaughter.” You boop the nose of the three-year old in your arms. “We’re going to have so much fun, right sweetie?” She nods shyly, apparently a little wary of Noah who now is standing beside you and introduces himself to Lillia. You glance at Gwen, who seems to relax a little more at seeing them interact and throws you a little happy smile when she notices your gaze.

“Thanks for letting me come by with MC, Gwen. I appreciate it.”

You smile happily as now Gwen waves her hand dismissively. “If MC trusts you, I trust you. Besides, I saw you with Brenden – I’m confident that the three of you are going to have fun together.”

You clear your throat, trying to destroy the tension that has suddenly formed after the mention of Brenden as you see Noah’s shoulder tensing up. “So, do you know where you’re going on your date?”

“He wants to take me canoe just outside London.”

You nod approvingly while Lillia still inspects Noah with wide eyes while still in your arms and him gently smiling back at her, the tension seemingly having been diffused. “Sounds fun. Don’t forget to take extra clothes with you – just in case you fall into the water.” You wink at her, while Lillia begins to play with your hair.

“Okay, _mom_.” Gwen stretches the last word while rolling her eyes and you can see Noah smiling widely at your interaction. She turns to him and puts a hand in his arm. “Good luck with her.” Noah chuckles while looking at you, as you grin at Gwen’s comment. As Lillia begins to stir in your arms, Gwen looks at the time. “Shoot, I have to go.” She gives Lillia a small peck on the forehead. “See you later, hun. MC, don’t let her…”

“I know.”

“And…”

“I know, Gwen. It’s not my first time babysitting.”

As you smile reassuringly at her, she exhales loudly and relaxes. “Thanks.” She turns to Noah. “Before I go, Noah can I have word?”

You give him an encouraging smile and then turn back to Gwen. “Have fun on your date.” She smiles at you and the two of them leave the room.

“Do you think she is going to scare him away?” _Who am I kidding – she could also be telling him an embarrassing story about me…_ As you turn your attention back to Lillia, she looks quizzically at you and you laugh. “Okay, what are we going to do today?”

You’re already sitting at a small table that is reserved for Lillia and her creative experiments, when Noah comes back into the room with a small smile on his lips. Taking out colorful modelling clay, you begin to design a diverse animal family.

“Which color do you want to use for the butterfly wings, sweetie?”

“Yellow.” Lillia attempts to grab the clay, which is placed further away on the table, with her short arms, until Noah hands it to her. While Lillia works the yellow clay, Noah himself is rolling blue clay between his palms as he asks her about the background story of her butterfly which she excitedly answers. Observing them, you can see him radiating happiness and confidence as he speaks with her in a soft voice as if afraid to frighten her to hurt her with the tone in his voice alone. The sight of the Lillia and Noah inventing a deliberate story for her butterfly Gerrit, Noah’s soft smile and Lillia’s seemingly diminishing shyness in front of him, makes your heart melt into a puddle.

After also thinking of a name for Noah’s octopus, she looks back over at your creation. “Woah.” Her mouth and eyes are wide open while she admires your clump of clay. “I like your giraffe.”

“Thanks, sweetie. I like your butterfly. Gerrit is going to be very colorful.”

In the corner of your eye, you can see Noah smiling. “You’re once again surprising me. It looks really good.”

“Thanks.” You smile back at him and keep eye contact for a moment, purely content with the current situation and on the verge of getting lost in the contentment that is written all over Noah’s face, until Lillia stirs in the middle and climbs on your lap.

“Auntie MC, can you help me with the wings?”

You can’t help yourself but glance and grin at Noah every now and then and when you see him smiling at your interaction with Lillia or shaking his head in slight frustration over not being able to get the limps for his octopus right.

While shaping circles in a few different sizes and colors to later put them on the wings, you try to combine the creative process with sharing your knowledge. “Did you know that butterflies taste with their feet?”

Lillia turns around to you with wide eyes. “Really?”

You nod. “They have something called receptors in their legs and with that they taste if a certain plant is a good place for them to lay their eggs on. So, they use their legs to make sure that their kids can grow in a good environment.”

With a clean hand, you brush a strand out of Lillias’s face, while blushing slightly under Noah’s impressed facial expression. _Well, at least my dating history and this one guy’s knowledge comes in handy at some point_.

“Mhm… do giraffes taste with their legs too?” Lillia takes your almost completed giraffe in her hands, turning it over to better examine the legs.

“No, they don’t… But do you know what’s interesting about giraffes?”

“What?”

“Their neck is about as long as I’m tall. Let me…” You stand up, carefully setting Lillia down before you lie down on the ground. “Can you see how long their neck really is? My whole body is as long as their neck alone.”

Lillia slowly, and with wide eyes, walks along your body. “Woah, that’s really long.” You nod, and then smile as Lillia climbs on top of your torso.

“Is their neck this long to reach the leaves on the top of trees?” Noah has turned in his seat and looks at the two of you.

“As far as I know, researchers aren’t quite sure. Partly it has to do with Darwinism…” Noah nods. “… and I think I read somewhere that it could also be due to necking… the fighting the male giraffes practice in order to demonstrate dominance. There is a natural selection because female giraffes prefer to mate with dominant, strong males and they usually have longer necks.” Noah still nods pensively as you change your voice. “So, sometimes it really is true: The longer the better.”

You wink at Noah, who takes a moment before raising an eyebrow with a grin on his lips and a glint in his eyes. “Oh, I know that you enjoy it.”

Your laugh gets suppressed as Lillia puts her hands on your cheeks and squishes your open mouth together. The noise you make lets Noah laugh out loud, startling Lillia for a second, before she tries to squish them together once more, encouraged by Noah’s reaction.

“Oh, you didn’t…” You begin to tickle Lillia who immediately lets go of your face, squealing, giggling and squirming under your fingers, before you let her go.

After having created a unique animal family, given them names and backstories and having had a quick lunch, you lay Lillia down for her nap, before sitting down with Noah.

The exhaustion over the energy bundle that is Lillia is creeping over you, as you snuggle up to Noah on the couch. Still, you feel happy and somewhat free, like the air in this apartment is lighter. Being here allowed you to just be present in the moment, enjoy yourself and to focus only on the people here with you right now. The outside world and all the restricting thoughts and worries seem to have fallen away from you for a while, giving you the opportunity to renew your battery for the next battle, even if it’s only the exhausting activity of changing the bedding.

Somehow, it seems even better to be here than it had right after leaving the Villa – not only because you’re her with Noah but also because you needed to escape reality for a while, something that you didn’t know you needed that much. Your shoulders tense as you think back at all the headlines, articles about you and Noah, people trying to take pictures of you wherever you go and comments made by fellow Islanders in interviews and by acquaintances or complete strangers. You close your eyes while the tiredness, exhaustion and waves of stress wash over you as your mind races.

Noah gently pulls you closer to him for a second, tearing you away from your thoughts and capturing your attention. His chocolate eyes look at you in worry. “Are you okay?”

You turn your head away and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine - a little exhausted though.” You turn back to him with a light-hearted smile on your face. “Lil really seems to warm up to you.”

A smile spreads cross Noah’s face, yet his eyes still hold a little worry for you. “Yeah, I think so too. She really is a handful.”

“Oh, you have _no_ idea. If you already thought so, then you are in for a surprise when she wakes up from her nap.”

Noah chuckles. “Well, hopefully we can keep up with her…”

You raise your eyebrow, grinning. “We can only hope that _our advanced age_ still allows us to.” Noah’s eyes sparkle in amusement, before you gently squeeze his leg with your hand. “But in all seriousness, thanks for coming with me today. It has been really nice so far.”

Noah smiles at you earnestly, warming your heart and melting away a part of your worries. “Of course. It was nice meeting Gwen and…” Noah's cheek heat up slightly and he bites his lips. “I really enjoy seeing you with Lillia.”

_That I never doubted_ , you think smiling. There aren’t a lot of people who would like to spend their whole Saturday babysitting a toddler they don’t even know. And since you consider Gwen and her daughter as your family, it means even more to you that Noah was willing to meet them.

After a moment of silence during which you gently caressed Noah’s cheek, you decide to speak up again as the curiosity finally gets the better of you. “So, what did Gwen tell you earlier?”

“Oh.” Noah chuckles. “She wanted to ask about my intentions regarding you.” You press your lips together, trying to suppress a laugh before letting your mouth settle in a wide grin. “And she may have threatened me, saying that I better treat you well.”

A chuckle finally escapes your throat and you slightly shake your head in amusement. “You gotta love her.”

“She definitely seems like a good friend.”

You nod with a wide smile. “That she is.”

“She also seems really nice – apart from threatening me.”

Chuckling you add, “She also a handful. Don’t forget that. And a little crazy. Word of advice, don’t mention the smurfs around her when she’s drunk.”

Noah furrows his brows. “Okay. Why?”

“I don’t want to ruin the surprise, you will see soon enough.”

He chuckles. “You really keep things from me just to surprise me, don’t you?”

You grin. “Maybe.” Noah raises an eyebrow. “Well, I like catching you off guard. You sometimes have a very specific expression for a second when you’re surprised, before you catch yourself. And… I like the glint the glint in your eyes and the subtle smile when you discover something new, especially when you note something about me.” Eyes sparkling and smile widening, Noah pulls you a little closer, eliminating any form of space between you.

After enjoying a moment of silence, during which your thoughts are only consumed by the man, whose heartbeat you can slightly feel against your back and whose scent infiltrates you nose, you talk about possible activities to do after Lillia’s nap, discussing a trip to the parc since there is no rain in sight as the sky is only slightly grey, broken up by little spots of blue.

„Have you forgotten what happened this morning?”

Noah sighs, furrowing his brows and squinting his eyes. “No.” Silence fills the room for a moment, while you remember having to sneak Noah out of your apartment through the backdoor since a paparazzi was standing in front of the building, waiting for you with his camera. It still baffles you, that somebody would even bother taking a picture of you and even crazier, wait for you to possibly leave the house to take one. _Madness_. _Absolute madness_. “It was exhausting.”

You chuckle. “Now, come on. You only had to go out through the backdoor, make your way through a few little alleys and take a different cab than me to get here…”

After all of these weeks, you were still hiding from the public. Despite Noah saying that he doesn’t want this to be a secret when you were still in the Villa, that’s exactly what it came to once again. A secret. But this time, it wasn’t weighting you down like it did in the Villa. Was it exhausting? Yes, sometimes. Confusing? No. Was it bothering you to keep it a secret? Only in the sense that you couldn’t go outside together.

It was a very similar secret to the one you shared in the Villa, though the people knowing were different and you were happy with keeping it a secret. For the most part. But sometimes, you wonder how long you need to stay on the downlow, how long the dark cloud will be weighting on you, not allowing you to do what you want and not be able to show openly that you love Noah.

Mid-thought you get interrupted by Noah, who looks pensively at the ground before you. “Isn’t it tiring for you to always play hide and seek?”

You take a moment before answering him. “A little, but the attention thankfully isn’t that much on me… on us anymore, which means that the most difficult part nowadays is getting from my car to your apartment without being seen…” You sigh, pausing for a beat. “But… you know… I’d like to be able to go outside with you, visit you in the library… just do normal things together – outside our apartments.”

When you turn your head to look at him, he’s already gazing at you. “I get that. I’d like that too.”

“You do?” You almost whisper the words in surprise, as your heart becomes a little quicker. However, Noah’s conflicted expression lets you lose the light undertone of excitement. “But you’re not ready yet to make it public.”

Noah sighs. “It’s still wild to me that we have to think and talk about that.”

“I know. But that’s what we signed up to…”

“Except that the show wasn’t as popular as it is now when we entered.”

“… and we already kind of had an agreement to not be seen in public together or in the other’s town.” You take a deep breath, turn to look at Noah and take his hands in yours. “Listen, I’m not going to force you to make things between us public. I know that after all the backlash in the past few weeks, with things finally and seemingly calming down, _this_ …” You squeeze Noah’s hands. “…would cause another reaction. And I think in the back of your mind, you’re also still trying not to hurt Hope more than necessary and if things got confirmed about us…” You trail off. “But Noah, I’m not planning on going anywhere and sooner or later, we’ll have to face the backlash and hurting Hope and Henrik even more…”

He looks downcast and your heart aches for him. “I know…”

You exhale loudly. “It’s… You’re probably – I assume – afraid of disappointing others, the press, the public, Hope, the other Islanders…” Noah’s eyes leave yours as a begins to nibble on his bottom lip. “I get it. But Noah…” You disentangle your fingers from his and gently take his face between your hand to make him look at you. “You can’t live your life for others. If you do, you’ll never be happy. And I want you to be happy and to do that, you have to put yourself first. It’s okay to do that, as long as you aren’t completely egoistical. But Noah… It’s your life, your happiness.” You drop your hands down, squeezing his hands again. “I’ll make sure that you don’t forget that as long as you let me. And I will wait for you to be ready to be seen together with me in public. Just… please promise me that you’ll think about what would make _you_ happy.”


	7. Bowling Night

_Finally: Love Island Stars MC and Noah spotted together_

_Love Island Jacob and his fitness tips_

_Scandalous Love Island pair spotted together_

“Noah.”

Your body trembles as the waves of pleasure roll over you, prolonged by Noah’s frenetic chase for release. The intensity of the encounter makes you desperately gasp for air. Noah pulls you with him after groaning for a final time in your ear as he falls backward in the bed, holding you tightly to his naked body. You can feel his heartbeat slowing down beneath your cheek, playing a symphony with the soft raindrops that fall against the window in Noah’s bedroom.

You’re still laying on Noah as he pulls up the blanket over the two of you, smiling softly at you, while you rest your chin on your hand, gazing at him. The warmth of his eyes is matched by the heat of his body and the warm blanket that enwrap you.

“If this is how we’re going to spend _all_ those cold and rainy days, then I’m glad that we live in the United Kingdom.”

The vibration of his chuckle beneath your hand causes a huge smile on your face and you stretch a little to place a featherlight kiss on his jaw.

“And what would we do on the very few other days?”

“Mhm…” You trace your finger in incoherent patterns along his chest and up to his neck. “Maybe instead of laying in bed all day, we could go to the parc and do all the things we did here today there.”

Noah’s eyebrows shoot up. “Well, reading and maybe watching a movie can be done there, but…”

“Okay, maybe having _mind-blowing_ sex in a very frequented parc would be a little difficult, but it… can…” In the corner of your eye you see Noah’s phone repeatedly being illuminated by new messages. “I _think_ somebody wants your attention.” You motion over to his phone and slide down to come to a rest next to Noah, who reaches for his mobile.

The light of the phone illuminates Noah’s face in the rather dark bedroom on this late afternoon while he reads the messages. His eyes widen slightly as he scrolls and he steals a few glances at you, making you a little nervous. Finally, he rolls over to face you, his phone lowered, and his eyes settle on yours, reflecting tenderness and a hint of nervousness.

“Is everything okay?” You cautiously distance your torso from his a little to get a better look at his expression, scanning it for any signs of the possible content of the messages.

Noah’s expressions softens slightly. “Yes, it was just Jonah and Alva. We… usually have a game night at least once a month and we haven’t had one since I’m back. They insisted yesterday that we have one today… It completely slipped my mind.”

“Oh.” You tear your eyes away from Noah, pondering how to answer best. “I don’t want to keep you from spending time with your siblings. Why don’t I leave and we continue this…” you give him a little kiss on the nose. “… tomorrow evening.”

You give him a small smile, and he looks back at you with a warm expression. He slowly rubs his finger over his bottom lip, the nervous flicker in his eyes still visible, but significantly slimmer. _Why does he always have to do that?_ With great effort, you succeed at tearing your eyes away from his luscious lips that a few minutes ago kissed your body feverishly. “Actually, I wanted to ask if you would like to go bowling with us tonight.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “Really?” You scan his eyes, but they show no sign of wavering. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I think you would get along great. And I’d like for you guys to meet.”

You take a deep breath and smile nervously at him. “I only want to go if you’re absolutely sure about this. I mean… we have taken quite a few steps in the last few weeks. I just want to make sure that you’re comfortable with everything.”

Just in the last seven days, Noah has not only finally been in your apartment for the first time and met your best friend and her daughter, but a few days ago, after Noah had some time to think things over, he also came to the conclusion that he was tired of hiding your relationship.

It felt very surreal when you walked into the library the next evening after work to pick up Noah. Just walking through the building that Noah often had described so vividly, inhaling the typical smell and being able to see him there, at his favorite place, was overwhelming. When you spotted him in one of the halls, sitting on a desk, deeply concentrated on a book and with a calmness surrounding him, being right in his element, your heart skipped a beat. Nervousness and shyness about seeing him that hasn’t been as present anymore in the last few weeks crawled through your body and intensified when he noticed you approaching and softly smiled at you. Your whole body was tingling over the thrill of kissing Noah tenderly in public, in his library and left goosebumps on your arms.

When you walked the distance from the library to his place hand in hand it felt like everything was finally falling in place and you could feel and see that Noah also was relieved and happy to show you parts of Romford. You barely noticed people staring at you – not because there were only a few doing it, but because you were too consumed with Noah and the feeling of freedom and happiness. Still, when you saw pictures of you and Noah the next day all over the internet, obviously taken by passerby, it simultaneously made you tense up and let you feel relieved about it being out in the open and not having to hide anymore.

Noah smiles warmly at you. “I know. And I am. Are _you_ ready to meet them?”

You fidget nervously with your hands. “I would love to meet them, I’m just a little nervous. Are they okay with me coming with you?”

Noah’s smile widens. “Actually, they said that if I don’t bring you, they are going to bite my head off.”

You raise your eyebrow in response with a little smile playing on your lips. Noah scrolls in his group chat with his siblings, showing you the text passage. You let out a little laugh. “Well, no pressure on you, then. Although I don’t think that you would make a great snack for them – I mean, considering that you’re _my_ snack.”

He chuckles slightly, pulling you closer to him. “I would have asked you anyway.”

“And I would have avenged you, though I’m glad that I don’t have to now.”

He smiles earnestly at you, pulling you in for a tender kiss. “Glad to be able to live another day then.” While Noah shoots his siblings a response, you shiver slightly as nervousness begins to spread through you.

Noah puts his phone back on the nightstand, turning to you and squeezing your hand. “They are going to love you.”

You take a deep breath. “I hope so. I know how important they are to you.”

He cups your cheek, tilting your chin to gently force you to look at him. “There is no need to be nervous. They already like you.”

You smile weakly and nod slowly. “Just a little warning: I haven’t bowled in years.”

“Well, the most important thing is to let the ball roll toward the pins and to not throw it backwards, in the direction of other people.”

You roll your eyes inwardly, not able to completely hide a little smile as you love when this side of Noah comes out. “Ugh, I don’t know if I can remember _all_ that… It sounds _so_ … difficult.”

The unique smell of the bowling alley instantly tickles your nose and brings back memories as you slip through the doors that Noah holds open for you. You close your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath to fully revel in the smell of floor oil, shoe disinfectant and greasy food. The loud laughter, pop music in the background and the sound of bowling balls hitting pins that touch the end of the alley with a satisfying clack fill your ears and occupy your mind until you can feel Noah’s hand on the small of your back and his hot breath on your ear.

“Are you ready?”

His eyes search yours intently until you give him a soft smile and a small nod. Steering you, still with his hand on your back, your gaze flits over the crowd in the establishment, taking in the joyous atmosphere and the soft light until your eyes land on two people that – undeniably – have to Noah’s siblings.

As if feeling your eyes on them, Alva’s gaze lands on you and shortly after so does Jonah’s. Trying to overplay your nervousness, you face settles on a smile that you normally reserve for business inquiries – friendly, attentive and demonstrating strength. You inwardly curse yourself for it, but you can feel that your attempt at a warmer, more earnest smile turns into one that shows your nervousness clearly as you scan Noah’s siblings quickly.

“There you are!”

_God, they’re gorgeous_. Alva practically radiates competence and boldness as her long legs carry her closer to you and Noah. The intimidation you feel is soon eased as you see her shooting you a welcoming smile that tells you that she definitely spotted your nervousness. Jonah seems to be more reserved and easygoing than his sister as he sports a goofy little smile.

While Jonah embraces his brother shortly, Alva wraps you in a warm hug, that makes you relax a little more. “It’s nice to finally meet you! You’re even more beautiful in person. And shorter than I thought.” Chuckling you pull away and pay her compliments as well before greeting Jonah.

After quickly chatting about the journey to and the atmosphere at the bowling alley while getting bowling shoes and setting up the bowling alley, Alva stands up to go first, turning back to you in a determined spin. “Get your tissues ready, guys. I am here to _destroy you_.”

Squinting her eyes, she turns back to select a bowling ball, while Jonah pipes up. “Dream on, Amara. The pins have been _trembling_ in their non-existing boots ever since they’ve seen me entering.” You grin at the playful banter and note that Jonah’s reserved and relaxed shell seems to break at the smash talk, waking the competitive side in him.

“ _Oh please_ , they are trembling because they fear that you yourself are going to crash into them… Just like it happened at Joe’s.” The innocent voice of Alva quickly falls away as she laughs loudly, making a snorting noise while doing so, which amplifies Noah’s chuckling and even Jonah, who previously seemed embarrassed, laughs at the sound escaping her mouth.

Smiling broadly your curiosity gets the better of you when the laughter becomes quieter and Alva returns after bowling a strike. “Okay, I’m curious. What exactly did happen at Joe’s?”

Jonah desperately pretends to concentrate on picking up a bowling ball, but as Alva attempts to talk and tell you the story, he interrupts her quickly. "Fine, fine… I may have lost my footing once and slid down the alley a meter or so. That’s all there is to it. It’s not that newsworthy.” He shrugs and turns away, bowling a strike as well. You’re momentarily at a loss, your thoughts occupied between both, Alva and him, bowling a strike already at the beginning of the game and the image forming when you think of Jonah sliding down the alley.

“Then why did you seem flustered a moment ago, dear brother of mine?”

Hands in his jeans pockets, Jonah shrugs as he walks back to sit at the bench. “It’s not like there aren’t any embarrassing stories about you…” Alva’s teasing grin seems to falter as Jonah continues nonchalantly. “Like the time you ‘accidently’ fell in the lap of that poor stranger in the bus, or…”

“That was an accident, J.”

“Come on, you two… We’re here to enjoy the evening,” Noah half-heartedly tries to stop them with a smile playing on his lips as he comes back to the bench after his turn.

“Seems like you want to change the subject before we get the chance to tell MC an embarrassing story about you.” Alva quirks an eyebrow at Noah and Jonah smiles mischievously. “Did he tell you that he once forgot to change the name of the professor on his paper and instead turned it in with a nickname? He was so embarrassed that he first sent the professor an email to apologize and then in the upcoming semesters avoided his classes at any cost…”

Noah intently studies the ground, his brows furrowed while his siblings chuckle and you grin slightly.

“Now, it’s only fair if we hear something embarrassing that still haunts your dreams.”

You bite your lip for a moment, contemplating. “I suppose it is – though I feel like this some kind of initiation to be part of this group.” A grin is shared. “Fine… Let’s go with… in short, the time I walked around for quite some time with a wonderful stain on my butt after unknowingly sitting on a chocolate bar.”

The siblings start laughing and you shake your head, slightly embarrassed while standing up from the bench and subconsciously checking your jeans for possible stains on your way to select a bowling ball. “That was a good one.”

“Glad, to provide you with something amusing.” After bowling a very disappointing number of four pins, you walk back. “So, you guys have a game’s night at least once a month, right?”

“Yeah, ever since Noah moved out. We met more often a few years ago, when Jonah and I weren’t in college yet. But since we’re now living a little further away and Jonah is even more involved with his swim training and the competitions, it’s a little harder to find a time at which we’re all available.”

You nod slowly. “Makes sense. You know, Noah once mentioned something about a game night being on fire…?” Noah’s gaze shoots to you, surprise behind his eyes as his breath catches. You give him a little smile before turning to his siblings. “He didn’t want to elaborate, but maybe you would be willing to clear that up so that I can finally put that question to rest…”

Jonah’s cheek turn slightly red, while Alva grins at you, excitedly putting her hands together. “So, a few months ago…”

“Really? Can’t we just stop at one embarrassing story about me today?”

“It’s not embarrassing. It was stupid.” Alva shoots him a look, making Jonah roll his eyes. “Anyway… I _think_ Noah was alluding to Jonah excitedly throwing a Taboo card into a candle when his girlfriend…”

“…ex.”

“… his now ex-girlfriend guessed the word right and they won against Noah and I. Luckily we were able to put the fire out quickly, but that game night was literally on fire.”

Grinning slightly and imagining the chaos, glad that everything ended good, you hear Noah whispering to you as Alva and Jonah talk about his ex. “I’m surprised you remembered that.”

“Why…? Because you mentioned it in my company only once and that was at maybe…” You slightly move your head, thinking back. “… day three or four in the Villa?” Leaning back, you search Noah’s face, then smile. “I remember everything you mentioned in my presence, Noah. You might not have been aware of it, but I did pay attention to you ever since I first saw you.”

The honest and wide smile on Noah’s face makes your heartbeat quicken up and you lean into Noah’s hand slowly caressing your cheek. “You did?” His voice almost sounds shy in the loud bowling alley and you reassuringly put your hand on his thigh, looking deep into his eyes.

“Of course. There was only one reserved guy standing in that line and he had all my attention… Okay, most of my attention.” You chuckle slightly at Noah’s expression. “Hey, the other guys looked pretty good as well. They just didn’t grab my attention the way you did… And I think that I already told you about being attracted to you from the start.”

Noah leans closer to you, the outside world completely fading away as his forehead comes to a rest on yours. His next words are barely a whisper, his breath while saying the words caressing your lips. “You did. I simply couldn’t really believe it.”

His lips brush yours in a soft kiss, his thumb still gently stroking your cheek as you let one of your hands find the base of his neck, bringing him closer to you as you try to reassure him; reassure him that you meant those words and that you’re more than happy about how everything has turned out.

After a few seconds you pull away, leaving your eyes closed for a moment while trying to engrave the tenderness of the kiss into your mind to keep the memory of it.

“God, you guys are insufferable cute.” Alva’s voice cuts through your bliss, the sounds of bowling pins falling becoming louder. Opening your eyes, you can see Noah smiling at you and you can’t help but smile back at him.

“Is this what we can expect from now on?”

Grinning, you turn to Jonah. “Unless I’m not welcomed to another game night, then… yes.”

“But you’re so easy to beat.”

You shake your head, smiling. “What, is the great swimmer Jonah not up for a challenge?” Jonah bites his lip while you can see Alva pressing her lips together, suppressing a grin, and Noah chuckling. “Aren’t you afraid that maybe you will find out that I’m pretty good at other games?”

Jonah squints his eyes slightly, hesitating for a moment before responding. “Come on… after this poor display I can’t really see you being good at any game…”

“Well, I think you need to explain the connection between bowling not being completely up my alley and for example my abilities to rule at Pictionary to me…” Your challenging look makes him shut up immediately and he averts his gaze for a moment, letting you grin triumphantly while Noah and Alva chuckle.

“Just… It’s your turn, Noah,” he finishes weakly. Smiling widely, Noah walks over to take his turn, giving his younger brother a gentle pat on the back as he passes him.

“Well, _I_ for one can’t wait to see MC beating you, Jonah. Though, this already was a treat.” Alva grins at you and her brother. “Do you have any family traditions like game nights, MC?”

You tense up slightly and take a deep breath before answering. “We did not have scheduled game nights, but sometimes we went mini golfing, played a tennis match and… actually, the last thing of that sort we did together was going bowling together.” You can see Noah tensing up at your words, his brows furrowing, but you quickly give him a reassuring smile. “They… my parents and my brother… died a few years ago in a car accident. Drunk driver.”

The atmosphere tense, you hurry to speak up again. “But I do have a few traditions with my friends.” Smiling you contemplate which one you tell them about, trying not to reveal something too crazy, but still something that will lift the heaviness that surrounds the siblings and you. “One of them is that we, as a group, always prepare a short choreography for the birthday boy or girl. And yes, it is as ridiculous as it sounds.”

Noah just shakes his head with a smile playing on his lips, while Jonah looks slightly irritated and Alva lets out a little laugh. “It does sound ridiculous… but also kind of fun.”

“It is.”

“How did I not know about this?”

“No birthday in sight. Plus, …” You stretch the word, squinting your eyes a little with a shy grin on your lips. “… I didn’t want to scare you off completely.”

As the evening goes on, stories about the last few days and almost forgotten memories are being swapped and are mixed heavily with teasing and Noah sometimes trying to stop Alva and Jonah, when he fears the teasing is going too far. Feeling welcomed, you join in and enjoy yourself, sometimes quietly observing their dynamic and chuckling slightly when recognizing that the siblings have a very similar laugh, the amplified sound traveling over the bowling alley. Glancing over at Noah, you can feel happiness and relaxation radiating from him and catch the little look of adoration he throws at you while squeezing your thigh slightly, as you listen to one of Alva’s stories.

“So, next time Pictionary? Maybe it will give MC _at least a chance_ to not lose catastrophically…”

“You are going to eat your words, Jonah. Plus, how do you expect me to be as good as you guys at bowling? I’ve never in my life seen so many strikes being bowled in one game.” The siblings smile. “You should form a team and compete. How about the naming yourself the X-Men? Oh, or the Incredibowls?”

Jonah groans loudly, but can’t suppress a laugh, joining Alva. “Please, take her home, Noah,” he jokes, playfully shoving you a little in the parking lot, making you laugh.

“Fine, I’ll think of a better name.”

After parting ways with Alva and Jonah, you sit in the car with Noah who grabs your hand gently and kisses it when he stops at a traffic light, a few raindrops lazily falling onto the windshield. “That went even better than I had hoped. They really like you.”

“Good. I like them too.” Your eyes meet briefly, a small smile on both of your faces, before Noah lowers your hand and breaks the warm contact when the traffic light turns green again, the smile not leaving his lips until you're back at his place.


	8. Breather

_The end of Love Island’s scandal couple?_

_Love Island stars joining forces for Priya’s fashion launch with Devine_

_Newly split Lottie and Gary spotted at the same event – chance of reconciliation?_

“To you!”

Raising your champagne glass, you wait for the _clink_ whose sound is almost being drowned out by the bubbling water of the whirlpool you’re sitting in.

Priya is smiling proudly at you. “Thanks babe.”

Taking a sip, the bubbles prickling on your tongue, you happily watch Priya. “I know I said it yesterday already, but there was a lot going on at the party, so… I’m so proud of you and your fashion collection. It’s really remarkable.”

Priya lets out a short laugh. “Are you pregnant or did you drink too much yesterday? You normally aren’t _that_ mushy…” The mocking tone and the teasing smirk playing on her lips are accompanied by a mischievous glint in her eyes, but you can also see her gratitude and pride over your words shining in her eyes.

Laughter fills the small private room in the spa, that is lowly lit, the overly present wood creating a homely atmosphere. “I can take it back if it would make you happier.”

Priya playfully nudges your leg with her foot under the warm water. “Too late.”

Chuckling, you put your glass on the rim of the whirlpool, finding a comfortable position while leaning your head back on the blue tiles. The water runs soothingly around you and you let out a content sight. “God, this is so relaxing.”

You can feel the tension of the evening yesterday leaving your body as water streams massage just the right spots on your shoulder blades. It had been an intense evening and a mentally exhausting morning as you couldn’t help but see a few things being mentioned about it on social media – _thank god for wonderfully implemented algorithms_. You roll your eyes and let out a slightly pained sigh at the memory of Priya’s fashion collection launch party yesterday and the many questions and opinions you had to endure yesterday and that are plastered all over the Internet _._

_Why is she there alone?_

_Are her and Noah already history? Serves her right._

_They would have never lasted._

_What is she doing there?_

_Is she trying to steal someone else’s thunder?_

_Pathetic attempt to get back into the limelight._

_Using her ‘friends’, I see._

_Did she gain weight?_

_Why did people vote for her?_

_People thought she was so nice, but it turned out she was the worst._

_Does she think that now we’ve forgotten that she went behind everybody’s back?_

_The snake is back._

Still, it was not as painful as you thought it would be. Seeing Bobby and Gary again was something that you were afraid of, since you haven’t really had contact with any of the other Islanders since the end of the show – apart from Priya and Chelsea. Noah didn’t either, and although you hadn’t talked about it, you are sure that he is sad about not talking to the guys and especially to Rahim. The only interaction you had with them was when the other Islanders watched a few episodes playing right after Casa Amor and, though you appreciated the ‘sorry’ texts about them ignoring or not seeing your turmoil at that time, it also reminded you even stronger of your actions and the accompanied guilt, anger and hurt you’re carrying.

Yet, talking to them, although it was a little strained with Bobby and not up to what it was before he left the Villa and confessed his feelings for you, was somewhat relieving and soothing. And you’re confident that you’re going to reestablish the contact, which is one of the few positive outcomes from yesterday.

“I can’t believe you’ve never been to a spa.” Slightly lifting your head, you can see Priya also sitting very relaxed in her corner.

“There is always a first time for everything, Pri. And I’m glad that it’s with you.” You wink at her and she laughs, before picking up her champagne glass gracefully and taking a sip. “Wow, I’m really out of it today, aren’t I?”

“Not much difference to your normal self.”

You laugh. _Yeah, the discomfort and the feelings related to it have been worth it_. Showing support for Priya was the only reason you went to the event in the first place and spending time with her and Chelsea, with whom you are going to reunite again, after last night, in a couple of hours, has lifted your spirits remarkably. “Did you enjoy your launch party yesterday?”

“It was more exhausting than fun – playing hostess is hard work.”

You nod. “True. There’s a reason why so few people like hosting parties, though without having to clean up...”

Priya smiles brightly and waves her hand dismissively. “Okay, I get your point.”

After two more glasses of champagne, a few minutes more in the hot tub and a long Swedish massage, during which the masseur kneaded out way too many knots, you feel like you could melt right into a puddle on the floor. Laying on the bed in your apartment with Priya, you take a nap until the ringing of your phone snatches you away from the most peaceful slumber you had in weeks. With your eyes still closed and a grimace you search for your phone, and swipe to accept the call without looking.

“Hello?”

“Did I wake you?”

You smile instantly hearing Noah’s voice, a tenderness to it as if wanting to lull you back to sleep. “You did.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad to hear your voice.” You can practically hear Priya rolling her eyes at your antics – having spoken to Noah just yesterday, but still, it seems like this was the longest you’ve ever gone without hearing his voice. Sitting up you look over at Priya, who is wearing a tired and small smile on her lips, her eyes closed and her hair and make up miraculously perfect. “Can’t say Priya is happy about the interruption though.”

Leaving the room you spend a few minutes talking to Noah, but as he asks you for more details of your evening yesterday, you can practically fell knots forming again and are thankful, when Chelsea rings your doorbell and bounces in your apartment with a big smile on her face.

“Okay, gotta go, babe. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Chelsea squeaks before you can even hang up, her smile lighting up the room as you give her a look.

“Oh my gosh – _Love_?! Ah, I’m _so_ _happy_ for you. It’s Noah, right? Was that Noah on the phone? Please tell me – ”

A grin spreads across your face as you take in Chelsea’s excitement for you, grateful to have found such a supportive friend. You nod. “It was, yes.”

Another squeal follows and you let out a happy laugh, shaking your head slightly at her antics, before remembering Priya in the room at the end of the short hallway. “We should keep…”

“Jesus Christ!” Priya stumbles out of your bedroom, a slight frown on her face. “Thanks for the wakeup call, Chels!”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t miss being woken up through other people.”

“Who says I haven’t had the privilege in the last few weeks?”

Priya manages to give you a cheeky wink and in the corner of your eyes you see Chelsea’s eyes growing wide with excitement, before you guide the girls into your living room.

“Ooh, why haven’t I heard of this before? Has this to do with the gentleman from yesterday for whom you were able to make more time during your hostess-duties?” You turn quickly to give Priya a wink while walking in front of her, turning swiftly again before you get the chance to walk against a piece of furniture.

“It might.”

You give Priya a curious look. “Wow, you normally aren’t that coy. You really like that guy, don’t you?” She sighs, before you gesture for them to sit down. “Do we need alcohol for this?”

“Gin o’clock?”

Priya nods resigned and when you come back out of the kitchen with the needed utensils, alcohol and decorations, you see Chelsea sitting next to Priya, giving her encouraging words with an almost too chipper voice, judging from Priya’s posture. She is slightly crouched on the couch, something you have only seen once – after her attempt of kissing Noah and seeing the girls’ reactions. You sigh softly, setting everything down on the small coffee table in front of you and sit down, while giving Priya a small understanding smile.

“Chels, do you want to do the honors?”

She eagerly gets to work and soon gives you both a drink as you toast to your mini reunion, before settling into the comfortable dark green couch and turning your attention back to Priya. As she recounts everything that has happened between her and Marlon, who she met not long after leaving the Villa, her voice sometimes seems to be laced with an uncertainty, that doesn’t remind you of the Priya you know, the Priya that is confident in herself. Sure, there has been an underlying hurt since especially a lot of women seem to be threatened by her, but there is a vulnerability and seemingly fear and concern in Priya’s voice and her words, that are new to you when it comes to her.

Listening to her intently and looking behind the said words, you ask yourself, how much the Villa and the press left a mark on her, especially regarding the background of having been bullied in school and having needed some time to build up her confidence. Being in the Villa, having no guy really chasing her and getting shut down from kissing the one guy she could maybe see herself with and being judged by many of the girls in the Villa, at least in the beginning, and people on the outside could have brought her back to that hurtful time of her life. You shudder at the thought. _Is this one of the reasons why she spent her time with Felix during Casa Amor? To feel better about herself? To feel more confident?_

“… I am not sure if he is really interested in _me_.” _And not just my outer shell_. It goes unsaid, but you can read it in Priya’s eyes and her sunken posture as she uncharacteristically and inelegantly takes a long sip of her Gin Tonic.

You take a deep breath, about to speak when Chelsea’s voice interrupts the silence in your apartment. “Oh hun, you’re a strong, independent…”

“…fun…”

“… and fashionable…”

“… goddess.”

“Yes. And if he doesn’t see that he’s an idiot.”

“Pri, you are so much more than just your looks. Don’t let the events of your past diminish your confidence and especially not those from your time in the Villa – those guys were not ready for you.”

“I know. I’m just a little insecure, I guess, about if I’m reading him right.” Priya looks at you for a moment before focusing on the glass in her hand and gently tapping it.

You look down for a moment, contemplating for a moment and then deciding against asking her about the signs she saw when she made a move on Noah in the Villa. “Well, I actually spoke a little with him yesterday and he did seem interested in you and he was really nice. Though I wasn’t yet tempted to do the whole ‘hurt my friend and I’ll kick you where the sun don’t shine’-speech.”

“Oh, yes. He better not messes with you!” You and Priya quickly turn your heads towards Chelsea, who just now reminds you of an adorable barking chihuahua and as you glance at Priya, you can see her press her lips together and delicately place a hand under her nose, covering up her now blossoming grin. “I’m definitely going to kick a guy in his jingle bells if he doesn’t treat you right.” Chelsea turns to you. “Or you.” You raise your eyebrow at her, your lips tightly pressed together. “Okay… maybe not. It’s a little too violent for my taste and I really don’t want to touch your men’s snow globes, but…”

You snort loudly, not able to contain yourself and Priya’s distinct laughter joins yours. She is barely able to set down her glass, that threatens to spill over at the movements of her in laughter trembling body and in the corner of your eyes you can see Chelsea’s lips turning upwards in a grin.

“Snow globes?”

“What kind of men do you normally see naked, Chels?”

Chelsea’s eyes widen and she joins your laughter when you make a gesture for the size of how huge you always picture snow globes.

“Oh… and… don’t… forget…” You try to catch your breath between laughs. “… to also kick his… _candystick_.”

Chelsea falls back on the couch, while you can spot an amused shimmer in Priya’s eyes. “Babe, that sort of candystick is way more teeth-friendly than the real one.”

“True.”

After making a few more Christmassy comparisons your inner teen would be proud of and wiping a few tears away, the result of the laughter, Priya is the first one to catch herself again. “Babes, thanks for having my back.”

Chelsea smiles warmly at Priya, scooting over to her to give her a quick hug. “Always.”

“I already feel sorry for the guy. And if you are unsure about his intentions until now, give it a little more time or let a friend grill him.” Priya nods with a thankful and happy smile as you turn your attention towards Chelsea. “How was your day?”

“It was good. We filmed a few different promos for the show.”

“I can’t wait to really see everything and not just the pictures you sent me. And get a few interior design tips.”

“When is it starting to air again?”

Chelsea shift in her seat, seemingly a little nervous yet still excited. “In two weeks.”

“We should host a viewing party.” Chelsea smiles at Priya. “We can get to know your friends…”

“Oh yes, I have been wanting to finally meet them, after all your stories.”

“… maybe Marlon can come by – if I still am interested in him then. And Noah could also come.”

Chelsea lets out another excited squeal and you grimace at the degree of loudness of it and Priya slightly flinches. A grin graces your lips as Chelsea begins to slightly bounce up and down on her seat, like a happy kid.

“I take it, you approve of Priya’s idea?”

After making a rough plan, you return your conversation to Chelsea’s promo shoot, being filmed in wonderfully designed living rooms, with both Priya and you listening intently to interior design ideas as Chelsea shows you pictures of the set.

“And speaking of… what is that over there, MC?” Chelsea points at your console table standing on the opposite wall. “Your unique lamp is going under in this display…” She stands up, walking over. “You have to…”

You chuckle while letting Chelsea rearrange a few things in your living room, happy about the company. The atmosphere is a stark contrast to your inner nagging turmoil and the harsh words spilling all over social media, and you feel yourself completely relaxing again, a peaceful and carefree version of yourself taking over.


	9. Unhappy

_Miss Fashion: Love Island-Priya’s fashion line with sold out in minutes_

Reflections _with Islander Chelsea premieres next Sunday_

Lost in your own thoughts, you are lying on Noah’s couch with your feet propped on his legs and your head fallen back on the armrest. Every now and then the sound of rain falling is interrupted by Noah turning a page of the book he is currently absorbed in. It has been a few days since you had seen Priya and Chelsea, but since then your mind is in overdrive.

Propping a hand underneath your head to elevate it and get a better look, you observe Noah. His face showing a concentrated yet relaxed look that makes you smile, loving that he can get so lost in the written words and the worlds that are intertwined with them. As he quickly licks his fingers to be able to turn the page without creating wrinkles, your smile widens. It’s a habit of his that you just recently picked up on, but you are sure that it’s one that he only adapts now in the colder months since his hands are a little drier.

Warmth and affection spreads through your body as you watch him, yet there is this nagging feeling somewhere deep inside you, that you have been carrying with you for a while now. Most of the time it was overwritten by many positive emotions but for a while now you’ve felt something weighting you down more and more and noticing your carefree and happy feeling around the girls the other day, the realization really sunk in that you’re not entirely happy around Noah.

You furrow your brows as you nervously play with the hem of your sweater. To say you’re anxious about talking to Noah about this topic would be an understatement as you’re unsure if he himself is ready and willing to talk about it and you’re afraid of hurting him. Yet, you know that confronting this head on is overdue and the next step to heal, move on and hopefully feeling happier.

As Noah reaches the end of the chapter you wait for him to think about the content and words for a moment, noticing the many bookmarks he has set today, signaling pages with phrases that he’s going to write down after his reading session and think about them further at another time. When you see that he slowly gets pulled out of his thoughts, your heart begins to race and you swallow hard, just before he shifts and his gaze lands on you, giving you small smile.

Managing a nervous smile yourself while taking a deep breath, you press through your nervousness and a soft “Hey” escapes you.

“Hi.”

“Is there an exciting cliffhanger or are you free to talk?”

Noah smiles softly at you as he closes the book, careful not to wrinkle the paper, and sets it down on the little coffee table in front of you. “No, it’s fine.” Taking your feet of his legs, you cross yours on the couch, facing him with a slightly nervous and serious face. You see Noah’s demeanor change as he sees your posture and your expression and you’re able to detect not only a glint of concern but also fear in his eyes. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes… No.” You take a deep breath, dropping your head in your hands and rub your fingers slowly down the sides of your face, not meeting Noah’s eyes.

Just as your fingers come together under your chin, Noah’s hands find yours and he places them between you on the couch, squeezing them gently. Looking up from your intertwined hands, you find Noah’s soft eyes sparkling back at you. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong exactly.” You bite for your lip for a moment, the fear over the topic once again overwhelming you, but as Noah squeezes your hands again, you decide to push through it. “Lately I’ve noticed that I’m not entirely happy… especially not around you.” You say the last part of the sentence in a whisper, unhappy with your choice of words but unable to deny it any longer or phrase it differently.

You can see Noah tense up and when he tries to retract his hand, you grip it harder, not wanting to lose the feeling of his skin, the contact giving you strength. “It’s not… This is not me wanting to breakup, Noah.” You can feel some tension leaving his body and you give him a small smile, soothingly running your thumb over his knuckles. “It also isn’t your fault that I feel that way. It doesn’t even directly have anything to do with you.”

“Okay. Then what is it?” His voice is soft, slightly shaky and laced with concern und apprehension.

“That’s what I couldn’t figure out until last weekend, but hanging out with Priya and Chelsea and seeing some of the other Islanders...” You trail off for a moment and look back at him before speaking up again, noticing the guarded expression Noah is now wearing. The same one he is always wearing whenever something related to the show is mentioned. “There are a lot of emotions, especially negative ones when I think back to living in the Villa and they started catching up with me. And now…” You exhale deeply once again, your eyes focused on your intertwined fingers while you feel his gaze intensely focused on you. “… I think, every time I look at you or you do something nice, I get overwhelmed with them. With hurt, anger and… guilt.”

You can see Noah’s eyes flickering shortly, the expression devastated, broken, tortured and at the same time understanding, before his face becomes stoic and his eyes concentrate on your joined hands. Steadying your voice, you continue. “Like, I’m happy to be with you, but sometimes I wish the way to get here would have been easier. And filled with less mistakes.”

Pressing your lips together, you study Noah’s face, waiting anxiously for him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t. Perhaps waiting for you to continue. Or maybe he doesn’t want to talk about his own feelings regarding the topic, so you continue insecurely.

“I don’t know. I guess, I’m just in a phase where I think about everything that has happened and I feel unhappy with a few of my choices. And I’m thinking about what ifs. Like, what if I had chosen you on day one? What if I hadn’t kissed you? What if I had gone voluntarily instead of staying, hoping that maybe you want to be with me? What if I had been completely honest with Henrik? What if I had stood up more for myself?”

Hanging on the thoughts, you stay silent for a while, looking into the space until Noah’s voice transports you back and your eyes lock, his holding a certain sadness within them. “Did you really think about leaving the Villa?”

You nod, looking away for a second as emotions roll over you, causing your eyes to wet slightly. “Yeah. A few times after Casa Amor.”

“Because of me?” His voice is almost a whisper.

The ghost of a smile spreads over your lips, while you shake your head slowly. “For me. That evening when Priya left was particularly awful for me.” Noah squeezes your hands, silently encouraging you on to continue. “I felt so alone. You had just reunited with Hope, which hurt more than I imagined… even though I kind of prepared myself for that. And Priya leaving that evening… Nobody else even asked if I’m okay. I just felt insignificant. Invisible.”

A slight shiver runs up your spine as Noah’s hands leave yours and a tear slips down your cheek. In a second, his hand is on the side of your face, gently wiping the slow stream away and you lean into his warmth. “I’m sorry. I really messed up.”

“You followed your heart, Noah. That’s nothing you have to apologize for.”

He furrows his brows, his eyes leaving your face as he stares into an empty space. “I don’t know if I did. I think I thought that because of bringing Blake back I had gambled away my chance with you. I…”

You draw in a deep breath, trying to concentrate and let your voice sound even. “Did you still have feelings for Hope at that time?”

“I… Yes.”

“Did you know what you want at that point in time?”

There’s a pause while you anxiously wait for Noah’s answer. “No.”

You let out a deep breath you had been holding, pushing away the stinging feeling and just concentrate on the positive. “Then, there’s no reason for you to apologize. You needed to figure out how you feel.”

“I still should have gone differently about it. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

You nod absentminded. “Thanks…” There’s a short silence as you hesitate, unsure of how much you can say to Noah without hurting him too much, before crossing a line and pushing him too much into something he apparently doesn’t want to talk about.

“You, know… the hurt isn’t the worst part in this, especially since… since you have shown me since then that you care for me. And I think I know you well enough to understand where you came from.”

Noah gently squeezes your hand, a small grateful smile gracing his lips for a moment, before its slips away at your next words. “I’m mostly angry at myself. I could have handled some things better and… clearer. So many times I could have…, no, _should_ have acted differently. Sometimes I want to blame it on the circumstances, like all of us living together and not wanting an unpleasant atmosphere and…” You take a deep breath. “…well, being almost certain that…” Noah tenses, seemingly anticipating were you’re going with your sentence. “… some people would have tried to keep us even more apart if they would have known that I was still interested in you. But ultimately, I know that I can’t blame anybody but myself.”

“What about me?” Your eyes snap wide open at his words, spoken with a slightly shaky voice, confusion probably written all over your face. “I made the mistakes and I dragged you into my mess. I know I hurt you and the things the press and the others say about you, it’s all because of my mistake. If I would have figured everything out earlier, if I would have been more confident, would have had more courage…”

You shake your head vehemently, not wanting to allow him to hang onto that thought for even a second longer. ”Noah, no. Don’t go there. We both made mistakes. You’re in no way responsible for mine. And you’re definitely not responsible for how other people and the media judge me and my decisions, my mistakes.” Noah looks down, his brows furrowed.

It was true that people were a lot harder on you than they were on Noah in their judgement, still hanging on their concept of blaming the _other woman_ for everything. It was a prime example of the stupidity of the society and of woman hating on woman because of jealousy – the concepts still surprising and sadden you. Yes, you had made mistakes and you should be hold accountable for them, but all to often you wonder why people are always trying to tear others down instead of putting themselves in other people’s situations for a minute and just think about what they might feel, what their motives were.

You gently run your index along his jaw, stopping beneath his chin and tilt his head up, forcing him to look at you. “It’s not your fault, Noah. We all have our baggage that influences us. We can sometimes fight it if we’re brave enough and if it’s worth it for us, _but it’s hard_. And you can’t influence how you feel about certain people or how they feel about you. I don’t blame you for the situation, okay? And I’m not angry at you for anything that happened in the Villa. You know that, right?”

He intensely studies your expression, his own expression more vulnerable than you’ve ever seen it. Pain and uncertainty clearly written all over it, but deep in his eyes you’re almost certain to recognize a shimmer of hope. Hope that you mean every just spoken word and you only hope that he sees and knows that you do.

The cloud of pain stretching over his features seemingly diminishes after a few silent moments and when you squeeze his hand to reassure him further, a grateful expression stretches over his face before he robs a little closer to you on the couch. Your free hand reaches out to cup the side of his face, gently moving your hand over his cheek. Feeling him lean into your touch, you smile softly, your eyes slowly shifting upwards from his cheek to his eyes. The love for you in his eyes makes your heart skip a beat, just like it had when you saw it for the first time.

As a sigh escapes Noah’s lips, your eyes automatically flicker to his lips for a moment. “I think I’ll always regret some things regarding Love Island.”

A second after the words left his lips, he looks a little panicked at you, but you simply smile sadly at him. “Because of how we handled some things?”

He relaxes again, still not completely used to you always understanding or at least trying to understand him before throwing a tantrum assuming the worst. Your heart always breaks a little when he tenses up over these things; Hope and one of his exes really did a number on him.

Noah nods slowly and you squeeze his hands again. “Me too. And I feel extremely guilty. The way I treated Henrik…” Looking away from Noah, you take a deep breath as a wave of guilt hits you. “You know, I’m almost at a point where I’m ready to try and reach out to him to properly apologize for the things I did wrong.”

“You are?”

You nod. “I’ve thought a lot about the Villa since we left, and… Well, I mean I did apologize to him at the afterparty…” You give Noah a tightlipped smile, observing his reaction for a second since you never had spoken about any of this, but he simply and patiently waits for you to continue. “… but it was a general, generic and superficial apology. I meant it, of course, but as much as I selfishly hope that properly apologizing will make me feel better, I think he deserves a proper explanation and apology. And I’m confident that he has some questions and some things to say to me as well.”

“I’m proud of you.”

Relaxing at his words, his soft smile and the slight pressure as he squeezes your hand, you smile more happily at him. “Thanks.” You hesitate for a moment, unsure again of how far you can push him, but curiosity and the way he opened up so far in this conversation make you pursue the next question. “What about you? Are you…?”

“No.” The word firmly leaves his lips, his voice a little colder than you’ve heard it in a long time, but as he looks at you, he softens again. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. And honestly…” His voice drops to a whisper. “… I don’t think either of us ever will want to speak to the other again.”

The free hand that you had rested on the back of the couch finds its way again to his cheek to reassure him. Your voice is soft when you speak again. “I don’t think that’s healthy, but I respect whatever decision you make now or in the future.”

Noah closes his eyes, temporarily tightly squeezing them shut and pressing his lips together before he relaxes again. The silence surrounds you as you both hang onto your thoughts until Noah’s eyes meet yours again, a thoughtful and sad expression within them. “The only thing we can truly do is to reflect on our actions, try to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and learn from them to do better.”

You sigh. “I know. Yet it’s easier said than done.”

Once again, the silence envelopes you, this time almost comforting you as you silently stare at the other, sharing your pain, your guilt and your gratitude to have the other one by your side. Somebody who understands your emotions completely, accepts your past mistakes and makes you stronger to confront your feelings.

You smile softly, grateful to have him by your side. “I’m really glad we could talk about this. I think, it already did help a bit.”

A small smile graces Noah’s full lips and you can see in his face that he as well feels a little relieved, like a little bit of the weight he was carrying had come off. “You can always talk to me. You know that, right?”

“I know. I just don’t want to pressure you to be confronted with something you’re not ready for.”

Noah smiles softly at you, his hand finding a way to cup your face before he leans in to place a gentle kiss on your lips, making a weight finally fall off your shoulder. He rests his forehead against yours, his breath fanning over your face. “I know. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Another lingering kiss follows, your lips melting against each other as the last of your tension leaves your body. As you pull away, he lifts his arm and you gratefully melt against his side, cuddling into him. His warmth envelopes you as you contently sigh, happy about how the conversation went and hopeful that you will talk more about everything related to Love Island in the future.

“Hey, do you think we’ll ever be able to watch our season?”

“We will.”

The earnest tone in his voice makes you turn around for a moment and his gentle eyes meet yours, you smile at him. “Good, I’d hate for you to miss out on Marisol hitting on me.” You give him a wink before chuckling at his surprised facial expression.

“She did? Are you joking?”

Continuing to slightly laugh, you shake your head while turning away to resume your position in his warm arms again. “Not this time, babe.”

“How did I not know this?”

You shrug your shoulders, a grin on your face when you see him studying you in the reflection of the television.

“What else do I not know?”

“Well,…”

**Author's Note:**

> The majority of the characters in this story belong to Fusebox.


End file.
